I thought it would be fun to do a podcast but was too lazy to figure out how to do it.
Guess what? They have a website for people like that.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Scary Fish is now Famous
So our good friend Dave Miller lived in a house with several other folks when he was in grad school at Rice. Some of the folks were still at Rice, most were not, but had been at one time. One of these housemates had a big scary fish named Oscar. It would just swim around and stare at you while you tried to play awesome board games. When that fish and housemate moved out, I thought I would never see it again (although I have seen the housemate and his sweet wife and adorable daughter every so often at Rice events).
So imagine my surprise when I am reading through the latest issue of Parents Magazine (I do have 2 kids, thankyouverymuch) and in an article titled "I Love My Pet", there is a picture of scary fish, and a precious little girl. I read the blurb from the mom:
"My husband owned Oscar the fish when we met. Ten years later, Oscar is still a part of our family. When our daughter, McKenna, was born, we used to take her to the living room when she was crying because she'd always stop fussing to watch Oscar. Now she's able to help her dad feed him, and each night before the goes to bed, she says, "'Nigh, Osser!"
-Jean Tanner; Houston Tex.
Yep, people you went to college with really do show up in national magazines.
So imagine my surprise when I am reading through the latest issue of Parents Magazine (I do have 2 kids, thankyouverymuch) and in an article titled "I Love My Pet", there is a picture of scary fish, and a precious little girl. I read the blurb from the mom:
"My husband owned Oscar the fish when we met. Ten years later, Oscar is still a part of our family. When our daughter, McKenna, was born, we used to take her to the living room when she was crying because she'd always stop fussing to watch Oscar. Now she's able to help her dad feed him, and each night before the goes to bed, she says, "'Nigh, Osser!"
-Jean Tanner; Houston Tex.
Yep, people you went to college with really do show up in national magazines.
The San Franscisicans Built The Golden Gate Bridge With Their Bare Hands
"With" does not mean "without" and the inclusion of one thing "with" doesn't always mean the exclusion of other things, especially not when the others things are logically necessary
The Ancient Egyptians Built the Pyramids With Their Bare Hands
Actually, I am sure that they were a variety of ages.
So I had a dream last night where the car was out of control going down a hill and I realized now that I am awake that it was just the grown up memory of the time that I couldn't slow down on my bicycle because the back brakes were too squishy, so I hit the front brake and the quick release wheel, which was loose, came off. I went flying over the handlebars and had to go to the emergency room.
Who knew that memories also grew up and matured? Actually, Dr. Freud knew, maybe I should page him. Actually, I guess I knew all along. It is no less scary when you discover that forgotten memories have grown in the closet of your mind like a mutant moldy sandwhich or the plant from "Little Shop of Horrors"
Ok... time for church.
The Ancient Egyptians Built the Pyramids With Their Bare Hands
Actually, I am sure that they were a variety of ages.
So I had a dream last night where the car was out of control going down a hill and I realized now that I am awake that it was just the grown up memory of the time that I couldn't slow down on my bicycle because the back brakes were too squishy, so I hit the front brake and the quick release wheel, which was loose, came off. I went flying over the handlebars and had to go to the emergency room.
Who knew that memories also grew up and matured? Actually, Dr. Freud knew, maybe I should page him. Actually, I guess I knew all along. It is no less scary when you discover that forgotten memories have grown in the closet of your mind like a mutant moldy sandwhich or the plant from "Little Shop of Horrors"
Ok... time for church.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
(The ([adjective])) [Noun]
After glancing at just a few of BRAINWASHED'S CANONICAL GUIDE TO WEIRD BAND NAMES I've decided that I have a subjective stylistic preference that immediately colors my attitude towards bands as "good" or "sucks" based on whether they conform to the format:
(The ([adjective])) [Noun](and (The ([adjective])) [Noun])
For those of you who don't speak computer manual, I'll explain.
I like bands that are a single noune with our without the definite article. This includes:
U2
R.E.M. {William, that's an action - shove it}
Tool {William, You don't like Tool - ah, but I did have a good initial impression of them based on their name until their sound turned me off, get it?}
The Who
The Cure
The Go-Gos
The Doves
The Alarm
If bands have an adjective, they need to have the definite article or else my initial impression is that they are bad. This is, however, a rebuttable presumption such as is the case with
Modest Mouse {Although their sound has grown tiresome}
My Morning Jacket {Not the definite article}
Although:
The Happy Mondays
oh listen, this post has already got me tired with its tediousness.
Sly & The Family Stone
is a name using all of the rules of I like it
and
They Might Be Giants
is a name that breaks all the rules of I like it, except that its a movie so its actually:
"They Might Be Giants" and sound be considered as [noun]
Interestingly, following this "movie titles are [noun]" rule means that I would like band named The Iron Giant either for itself or as a reference to "The Iron Giant"
What set this all off?
Sentence two pf Rule 193.4(a) of Texas Rules of Civil Procedure where it stipulates "The party making the objection or asserting the privilege must present any evidence necessary to support the objection or privilege. The evidence may be testimony presented at the hearing or affidavits served at least seven days before the hearing or at such other reasonable time as the court permits."
{William, That's two sentences -- shove it}
(The ([adjective])) [Noun](and (The ([adjective])) [Noun])
For those of you who don't speak computer manual, I'll explain.
I like bands that are a single noune with our without the definite article. This includes:
U2
R.E.M. {William, that's an action - shove it}
Tool {William, You don't like Tool - ah, but I did have a good initial impression of them based on their name until their sound turned me off, get it?}
The Who
The Cure
The Go-Gos
The Doves
The Alarm
If bands have an adjective, they need to have the definite article or else my initial impression is that they are bad. This is, however, a rebuttable presumption such as is the case with
Modest Mouse {Although their sound has grown tiresome}
My Morning Jacket {Not the definite article}
Although:
The Happy Mondays
oh listen, this post has already got me tired with its tediousness.
Sly & The Family Stone
is a name using all of the rules of I like it
and
They Might Be Giants
is a name that breaks all the rules of I like it, except that its a movie so its actually:
"They Might Be Giants" and sound be considered as [noun]
Interestingly, following this "movie titles are [noun]" rule means that I would like band named The Iron Giant either for itself or as a reference to "The Iron Giant"
What set this all off?
Sentence two pf Rule 193.4(a) of Texas Rules of Civil Procedure where it stipulates "The party making the objection or asserting the privilege must present any evidence necessary to support the objection or privilege. The evidence may be testimony presented at the hearing or affidavits served at least seven days before the hearing or at such other reasonable time as the court permits."
{William, That's two sentences -- shove it}
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Salt
Not to rub it in, but this is actually worse. At least it was the California Angels that took Reggie. The Yankees just got beat by the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Orange County in the Great State of California Formerly Tradmarked of the Walt Disney Corporation Inc LLP LLC plc AG SE WNnnnnBC.
Monday, October 10, 2005
First Reggie and now this
@#$&# Angels, taking good things away from the bombers.
"But William, Reggie Jackson was old and washed up when he was traded"
BLASPHEMER! REGGIE JACKSON COULD DON THE PINSTRIPES TODAY AND HIT 200 HOMERUNS
"Well factually speaking, I doubt it since the Yank's season is over"
Fine. Kick me when I'm, Mr. Hypothetical Straw-man.
"That's the American League way."
"But William, Reggie Jackson was old and washed up when he was traded"
BLASPHEMER! REGGIE JACKSON COULD DON THE PINSTRIPES TODAY AND HIT 200 HOMERUNS
"Well factually speaking, I doubt it since the Yank's season is over"
Fine. Kick me when I'm, Mr. Hypothetical Straw-man.
"That's the American League way."
Friday, October 07, 2005
Postcards to Houston
Try cartoons
Try sexual inneundo
Try "Hey postman, I know you are reading this. You are ugly and your mother dresses you funny"
Try that in Spanish.
Try making a checker pattern with the stamps and dodging the message in the spaces
try putting the stamps over the spaces
try puttin the stamps and the message and the address on the picture.
try sending a 3x5 index card upon which you make a funny picture
trying sending a series whereby the message can't be read until you put them together (letters go across cards)
tryind drawing lips and saying "i'm kissing the letter next to me..smouch smouch smouch, I love you entertainment weekly cover picture person"
trying "having a nice time wish you were here:
me too.
Try sexual inneundo
Try "Hey postman, I know you are reading this. You are ugly and your mother dresses you funny"
Try that in Spanish.
Try making a checker pattern with the stamps and dodging the message in the spaces
try putting the stamps over the spaces
try puttin the stamps and the message and the address on the picture.
try sending a 3x5 index card upon which you make a funny picture
trying sending a series whereby the message can't be read until you put them together (letters go across cards)
tryind drawing lips and saying "i'm kissing the letter next to me..smouch smouch smouch, I love you entertainment weekly cover picture person"
trying "having a nice time wish you were here:
me too.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Fatigue and spontenaity...
... will trump clever screenwriting in the end. (Sorry, Greg.)
So the story goes, the famous Indiana-Jones-shoots-crazy-sword-wielder-instead-of-exhaustingly-dueling-him scene arose because Harrison Ford was tired (and sick?) at the end of a long day of physical shooting. When they were meant to start filming the exhausting duel, Ford just pulled out his gun with his weary-yet-smug expression and "bang". Somebody - presumably everybody - realized that this was much better than the exhausting duel, and they kept it.
So the story goes, the famous Indiana-Jones-shoots-crazy-sword-wielder-instead-of-exhaustingly-dueling-him scene arose because Harrison Ford was tired (and sick?) at the end of a long day of physical shooting. When they were meant to start filming the exhausting duel, Ford just pulled out his gun with his weary-yet-smug expression and "bang". Somebody - presumably everybody - realized that this was much better than the exhausting duel, and they kept it.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
THE KISS OF DEATH: Google Partners with Sun
Don't get me wrong, I like Java, its like a lazy verison of C++ with less control and less ability to protect your original source code from being infected by the GPL like kryptonite to your intellectual property rights but IMHO (and I don't use that FLA often) teaming up with Sun is the KISS OF DEATH and plays into the worst problems that Google currently has, which is of course that being a company with clean-web design fused to its soul, it has the three virtues of programming par excellence.
If Google can learn anything from Sun, it is that the inevitable result of the virtues: youth and skill, must ultimately give way to old age and treachery. For those of you who may read this but don't know me, I'm not accusing Sun of old age and treachery, but I am referring to the wise but depressing proverb "Old age and treachery will trump youth and skill in the end."(no link for you! look it up!) The truth in this proverb is that youthful vigor is difficult to impossible to sustain and relying upon pure analytic brain power is less efficient than being able to use analytic brain power to verify or correct the inferences to be drawn from the wisdom of experience. Unfortunately, when wise Indiana Jones tired from a days fighting pulls out his gun an shoots the sword wielding ninja with mad skills, rather than wasting time and risking injury --- well, it looks like treachery.
What does that mean for Google and Sun? I'm saying that Sun is the shot ninja lying in the in the dust, the crowd around him abating. As it gasps for air, discharging blood from his ventricles rapidly filling with blood, young Google leans over to hear what words of wisdom Sun might have.
"Don't get shot" would be the smart thing to say, but that's not what happens.
"Don't let me die and I'll show you how to wield a sword really fast AND if our combined swordplay is fancy enough, then we can team up! Think of how cool we will look. Plus, bonus: Indiana Jones won't be able to shoot both of us in the gut." is what the dying ninja seems to be saying instead.
But the actual choice to take up dying Ninja sun is left to young naive ninja Google. Google can (1) Waste time and effort trying to learn from Sun how to bring a knife to a gunfight with Microsoft, or (2) leverage mad skills and learn how to get tricky.
Google's gotta get tricky if it wants to topple Microsoft, just like Microsoft got tricky with IBM, when Microsoft was the young one.
Google certainly has the skills to be pretty tricky; tricky like "sis" playing connect four tricky. But Google is also vulnerable because it is a young tech company full of youthful ideals and I believe that Google has been blinded by the glory of Sun. It's a mistake, Kid Icarrus and the Coconuts
Boy... I'm really tired. I love the Indiana Jones movies. Did this post make any sense?
If Google can learn anything from Sun, it is that the inevitable result of the virtues: youth and skill, must ultimately give way to old age and treachery. For those of you who may read this but don't know me, I'm not accusing Sun of old age and treachery, but I am referring to the wise but depressing proverb "Old age and treachery will trump youth and skill in the end."(no link for you! look it up!) The truth in this proverb is that youthful vigor is difficult to impossible to sustain and relying upon pure analytic brain power is less efficient than being able to use analytic brain power to verify or correct the inferences to be drawn from the wisdom of experience. Unfortunately, when wise Indiana Jones tired from a days fighting pulls out his gun an shoots the sword wielding ninja with mad skills, rather than wasting time and risking injury --- well, it looks like treachery.
What does that mean for Google and Sun? I'm saying that Sun is the shot ninja lying in the in the dust, the crowd around him abating. As it gasps for air, discharging blood from his ventricles rapidly filling with blood, young Google leans over to hear what words of wisdom Sun might have.
"Don't get shot" would be the smart thing to say, but that's not what happens.
"Don't let me die and I'll show you how to wield a sword really fast AND if our combined swordplay is fancy enough, then we can team up! Think of how cool we will look. Plus, bonus: Indiana Jones won't be able to shoot both of us in the gut." is what the dying ninja seems to be saying instead.
But the actual choice to take up dying Ninja sun is left to young naive ninja Google. Google can (1) Waste time and effort trying to learn from Sun how to bring a knife to a gunfight with Microsoft, or (2) leverage mad skills and learn how to get tricky.
Google's gotta get tricky if it wants to topple Microsoft, just like Microsoft got tricky with IBM, when Microsoft was the young one.
Google certainly has the skills to be pretty tricky; tricky like "sis" playing connect four tricky. But Google is also vulnerable because it is a young tech company full of youthful ideals and I believe that Google has been blinded by the glory of Sun. It's a mistake, Kid Icarrus and the Coconuts
Boy... I'm really tired. I love the Indiana Jones movies. Did this post make any sense?
Rancor Aweigh
Rancor aweigh, my boys, rancor aweigh
Farewell to cross-aisle joys, we'll fight all freaking day-ay-ay-ay
Through every hearing's rounds, snipe to the bone
Till K Street calls or voters strike, sending us - old and bitter - home
Farewell to cross-aisle joys, we'll fight all freaking day-ay-ay-ay
Through every hearing's rounds, snipe to the bone
Till K Street calls or voters strike, sending us - old and bitter - home
Monday, October 03, 2005
Bush Nominates White House Counsel for O'Connor's seat
The press tends to regard Bush as a moron because they simply don't like him, but he's proven himself to be quite shrewd as evidenced by nominating former Texas Lottery Commission Chairwoman Harriet Miers to be an Associate Justice on the Supreme Court.
The Democrats on the Senate Judicary Committee, particularly Biden, embarassed themselves in questioning Roberts about matters that he could not address.
Biden: Judge Roberts, how are you going to rule on abortion? I want you to tell me so that I can hold you to it.
Roberts: As politely as possible, I will now explain to you that ever since John Jay, its been established that these sorts of Declaratory Judgements are not proper.
Biden: Bite me you ************! I want to be President so the media better take pictures of me yelling at you for not answering a question that you can't answer!
Roberts: Sticks and stones will break my bones but I'm not allowed to answer.
How did this bit of political theatre emerge? Bush named a Judge who was or was going to be hearing all sorts of cases that deal with topics that the Democrats care about and thus couldn't ethically answer any of those questions.
Miers tops this because she has been the attorney to Bush in his various different offical capacities for years. In other words, she's counseled the president as the president on legal issues having to do with important national and social policy.
Guess what happens when the Democrats ask about what advice Miers counseled to Bush?
Biden: So... what did you tell Bush to do about Karl Rove?
Miers: As politely as I can, Joe, I will assert Attorney-Client privelege.
Biden: @#*%@&*!!!
The biggest problem for Bush on this nomination is that he faces attack from the social conservatives who are so arrogant as to believe that they own the President. This too makes the Miers choice brilliant.
Bush to social conservatives: Miers is a close friend and trusted ally. If you don't support her, then you don't support me. Are you going to be disloyal to me? Now? When my poll numbers are down? Well, I guess that makes you a fair weather friend. Because I am weak, there is nothing I can do to force your support, but actions speak louder than words. You can be true to me or be a big fink.
Does that mean Bush's nomination will sail? Not if the rancor in the House over the majority leader is any indication of the mood in Washington.
The Democrats on the Senate Judicary Committee, particularly Biden, embarassed themselves in questioning Roberts about matters that he could not address.
Biden: Judge Roberts, how are you going to rule on abortion? I want you to tell me so that I can hold you to it.
Roberts: As politely as possible, I will now explain to you that ever since John Jay, its been established that these sorts of Declaratory Judgements are not proper.
Biden: Bite me you ************! I want to be President so the media better take pictures of me yelling at you for not answering a question that you can't answer!
Roberts: Sticks and stones will break my bones but I'm not allowed to answer.
How did this bit of political theatre emerge? Bush named a Judge who was or was going to be hearing all sorts of cases that deal with topics that the Democrats care about and thus couldn't ethically answer any of those questions.
Miers tops this because she has been the attorney to Bush in his various different offical capacities for years. In other words, she's counseled the president as the president on legal issues having to do with important national and social policy.
Guess what happens when the Democrats ask about what advice Miers counseled to Bush?
Biden: So... what did you tell Bush to do about Karl Rove?
Miers: As politely as I can, Joe, I will assert Attorney-Client privelege.
Biden: @#*%@&*!!!
The biggest problem for Bush on this nomination is that he faces attack from the social conservatives who are so arrogant as to believe that they own the President. This too makes the Miers choice brilliant.
Bush to social conservatives: Miers is a close friend and trusted ally. If you don't support her, then you don't support me. Are you going to be disloyal to me? Now? When my poll numbers are down? Well, I guess that makes you a fair weather friend. Because I am weak, there is nothing I can do to force your support, but actions speak louder than words. You can be true to me or be a big fink.
Does that mean Bush's nomination will sail? Not if the rancor in the House over the majority leader is any indication of the mood in Washington.
3 of 4: 05/01/2004 - 05/31/2004
Ok... for some reason the permalink for individual posts isn't working when the post is already in the archive. I'm sure Ben can tell me why. Actually, if I bothered, I could figure it out too. But the cannonical rant on impersonations is on May 17, 2004.
Anyhow ALL CAPS IS THE "KOOKY" VOICE
that was an imitiation of Johnny Carson imitating Jimmy Stewart while eating a lemon.
By the way this post and the previous one are example of post with link title and post with no link title. While this paragraph is a typical example of the sort of joke I make with in article links.
Now all I need is a joke about
Anyhow ALL CAPS IS THE "KOOKY" VOICE
that was an imitiation of Johnny Carson imitating Jimmy Stewart while eating a lemon.
By the way this post and the previous one are example of post with link title and post with no link title. While this paragraph is a typical example of the sort of joke I make with in article links.
Now all I need is a joke about
Administrative Post
To Whom It May Concern:
3 of 4 Blog post titles in blue with a little lighthouse next to it are actually links to another website for which the text of the post is ostensibly addressing.
3 of 4 Blog post titles in black with no lighthouse are comments about the title.
3 of 4 Blog posts with no titles are like those times I start with no warning and trail off with no warning.
In the post themselves, unfollowed links are a dark green that doesn't show up very well. This was originally done as a parody of the Elkridge Hollerer but I kept it because it matches the green in the jpg of my lawn.
Whenever I post in all caps, I'm not shouting so much as I'm doing the crazy voice, or the generic imitation voice. If you haven't heard my canonical rants on imitiations, I'll find it and link it ---> here.
Thanks,
3 of 4 Blog post titles in blue with a little lighthouse next to it are actually links to another website for which the text of the post is ostensibly addressing.
3 of 4 Blog post titles in black with no lighthouse are comments about the title.
3 of 4 Blog posts with no titles are like those times I start with no warning and trail off with no warning.
In the post themselves, unfollowed links are a dark green that doesn't show up very well. This was originally done as a parody of the Elkridge Hollerer but I kept it because it matches the green in the jpg of my lawn.
Whenever I post in all caps, I'm not shouting so much as I'm doing the crazy voice, or the generic imitation voice. If you haven't heard my canonical rants on imitiations, I'll find it and link it ---> here.
Thanks,
Sunday, October 02, 2005
And in the NL... Cue the Herbie Hancock music
Do-do. Do-do
Do, do do do-do
Doot do-do deet-do
du-du-du-du do-do.
ROCKET!
Now some lyrics to go with the song:
Your old. Your fat.
Your face needs a shave
But you-do pitch well
youaremyfav-rite Astro
ROCKET!
Your pals. Can't hit.
Else we'd be in first place
Yet you-win somehow
youaremyfav-rie Astro
ROCKET!
Do, do do do-do
Doot do-do deet-do
du-du-du-du do-do.
ROCKET!
Now some lyrics to go with the song:
Your old. Your fat.
Your face needs a shave
But you-do pitch well
youaremyfav-rite Astro
ROCKET!
Your pals. Can't hit.
Else we'd be in first place
Yet you-win somehow
youaremyfav-rie Astro
ROCKET!
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Boo-ya! The Yankees clinch the division
Do people still say boo-ya anymore?
"Brill creame, a lil' dab 'll do ya.... BOO-YA!"
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
BOO-YA!
Anyway... The Yankees win again. In a year where no one could say "Oh... the Yankees are ruining BASEBALL because they insist on WINNING and attracting the best PLAYERS with things players want like MONEY and the chance to win the CHAMPIONSHIP. It's not FAIR."
Waa waa waaa.
It IS fair that the best team wins. That would be the Yankees. The Bronx Bombers. Boo-ya.
"Brill creame, a lil' dab 'll do ya.... BOO-YA!"
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
BOO-YA!
Anyway... The Yankees win again. In a year where no one could say "Oh... the Yankees are ruining BASEBALL because they insist on WINNING and attracting the best PLAYERS with things players want like MONEY and the chance to win the CHAMPIONSHIP. It's not FAIR."
Waa waa waaa.
It IS fair that the best team wins. That would be the Yankees. The Bronx Bombers. Boo-ya.
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