Chap 3

Scarecrow is dizzy. Dizzy from falling. Falling from a great height; about 31,000 feet.

So the first thing you should know about crash landings is that they are no fun. It is not like a roller coaster. It's more like a dinosaur attack, and you are a baby. And you've pooped yourself. And there is no mommy or daddy. Because the dinosaur ate them.  Anyhow, that's how Scarecrow felt.

The next thing you should know is that when the oxygen masks fall, you are too scared gripping the seat to get them. It just dangles there in front of you, occassionaly smacking you in the face.

Also, you say things which are surprising.  For example, a laconic fellow in Seat 22B, turned to his wife of 30 years in Seat 22A and finally said, "Why don't you just shut the hell up?" For his part, Scarecrow never could have imagined that faced with impending death he would scream out all of the names of vegetables that he could think of.

"SQUASH! TOMATO! CARROT! RUTABEGA!"

But then, the plane lands.  Scarecrow had never been in an emergency airplane landing before, so he didn't know what to expect. He was expecting flaming wreckage and screaming and skidding and bodies flying all over the cabin and the drink cart overturned. But none of those things happened.  Only a big bump, like a bad landing on a good runway. But he imagined that this was probably a good landing on a bad runway.

So first things first. He needed to get the heck out there. He wondered if the local fire department would come with a jetway staircase. Or maybe donuts. All this screaming and wimpering made him hungry. But to his surprise, the fire department never came and there were no donuts and overall, the flight crew was not that focused on the hurrying up part. Instead, they kept repeating something about "orderly fashion" and "please remain calm."

But to remain calm, one had to be calm in the first place. This was not him. Fortunately, he was in good company. Plenty of other passengers were of a like mind in that they were a motivated group of people who were quite adamament to make their point that they wanted outs now; vociferous adamance triumphing over decorous solemnity. Less fortunately, most of those people were better than him at the pushing and the shoving with elbows and the biting. Soon he found that his wish to get out of the plane in the worst way possible was going to happen in three two one and tumbling head first down a big yellow slide into a pile of angry passengers below who had also been pushed out.

But after first things first, comes second things second. Scarecrow imagined that Flappy was in really bad shape and needed to be rescued from the baggage compartment.

Actually, Flappy was not in bad shape. He didn't even realize that anything happened. In fact he was sleeping. I just wanted to mention this, in case you were getting worried.

So, getting luggage off of an airplane is no problem: for a skilled airplane crew working efficently with the right equipment, the nearest of which was about 200 to 300 miles away. Freaked out passengers standing around with flight crew and local police arriving to the scene, however, are less adept at handling baggage. Scarecrow was dismayed that, "Hey! My bat is trapped in baggage" did not inspire the level of urgency and proactivity that he desired. Instead he got a bunch of "accounting for all the passengers first" and "you don't look like a baseball player."

"Idiots!" He thought.

It soon became apparent to Scarecrow, however, that there was a bigger problem. Apparently the flight crew had been so orderly in bringing the plane down that they had managed not only to land in a dry desolate patch of south Texas dessert, but also, the National Transportation Safety Board had been alerted. And the NTSB, with all due expediency, had dispatched an investigator, who was to be shortly arriving, and would immediately start identifying survivors.

This was a bad development. This would mean explanations. Explanations and alibis. And scrutiny of his passport. And being taken into custody. And interogation. This would not do. This would not do at all.

Despite his reputation for being bristly, Scarecrow had a soft spot for the Flapster. As such, he was ashamed to think that he was about to abandon a friend. So he decided that he wouldn't think of it as abandonment, just a tactical retreat. Before getting Flappy, he'd have to slip away.

Second things would have to be third.