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Sunday, November 08, 2009

Whatever is the opposite of self-doubt

This is how my kids see me. I was going to post this a week ago, but I got bronchitis. And the cat ate my homework. And gentrification, let's blame gentrification as well. Ok, back to the story. This is how the kids see me.

I was going to rent a costume at the RenFest, but Dakota had a very clear idea of how I should look and couldn't articulate it. But at the "House of Dra" as I was talking to the shop wench (chortle) Dakota jumps forward with the green tunic. At the haberdasher of doom (not the name, I just forgot what the other shop was really called). Dakota picked out the Robin Hood hat, which I was skeptical of because it is too small for my giant noggin. But Jason liked it too and the kids begged me to get it. So I say, that's how they see me.

I was out with a friend a few months ago who told me that my problem was that I aspired to be my family's white knight and how that wasn't realistic and anyhow unhealthy (as white knights are chaste, delusional, violent, and ultimately suicidal... nice, right?). I needed to change the story, be something else, see myself as something else.

"Maybe I could be a rouge, like Han Solo?"

"Nice, but I just don't think your Han Solo."

Maybe not. And at 265 lbs, I am more Little John than Robin Hood, but I certainly can be a Merry Man. I always somehow think of Mermen, then Ethel Merman when I hear that phrase. But, I digress. Maybe I could be the portly Robin Hood, the Howard Cunningham Robin Hood (think about it...) Anyhow, I wasn't going to post this one either, but after 2 AM Walmart shopping this morning, I watched "Robin Hood" (the one with Uma Thurman) on cable and saw the movie as a sign (yeah, a sign of bad sleeping habits!)

Actually the sign, or signs, are the two "blessings" that my kids picked up from the shirt vendor. There was a stack of cards "Imbued with magick... pick one m'lord" As I am fairly cursed at those sorts of things (I once got a fortune cookie that said "You suck!") I told the kids to each pick a blessing. And this is actually the point of this post, as each picked the perfect blessing for them.

Dakota picked:
When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge.
-- Albert Einstein


Jason picked:
If there is any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now and not deter or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.
-- William Penn
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