You've heard this one before

Per my "25 Books" post on Facebook about "Jokes Riddles, Funny
Stories" here is an example of an adapted joke:

When people recover from being unconcious for days, it should be
called a "comma" instead.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Buzz Aldrin Raps

Snoop Doggy Dog did a really good job in not making Buzz Aldrin sound stupid or not like Buzz Aldrin. Compare this to when the Chicago Bears did "The Super Bowl Shuffle" and one understands how far producing rap videos featuring non-rappers rapping has progressed. I supposed the underlying measure of the man also matters: Buzz Aldrin is one of the great heros of mankind, with a Doctorate from MIT (after a distinguished career as a jet fighter), while Jim McMahon is a lovable headband-wearing doofus. Jim McMahon apparently once got pulled over for drunk driving and said "I'm too drunk, you got me". Apparently when Buzz Aldrin was 72, he punched out a man who accused him of faking the moon landing. With that build-up, here it is:

Buzz Aldrin's Rocket Experience from Buzz Aldrin

Annie are you OK?

I can't say that I was ever really a fan of the music, I didn't own "Thriller" or "Off the wall" and don't. In fact, I don't own anything later than the Jackson 5 Christmas album. That was Louren's doing, but I admit that its a good album. I also admit that in general, he was a very talented dancer and had a good sense of pop hooks. And over the years, he did manage to turn out a decent song or two. For example, I was always partial to "Scream" the collaboration that he did with his sister, Janet.

Despite the occasional good song, his fame and popularity will always be something of a puzzle to me. Like many things in mass culture that get very popular, the cognitive dissonance between my perception of quality (or there lack of) and the ostensible popularity will always make me suspicious of some sort of put-on.

The whole spectacle of his life and death would have passed without comment from me until I saw that he had a patent on this crazy lean from "Smooth Criminal?" Its a special shoe!

And its a well drafted patent, not like the all-time most ridiculous patent ever for a comb-over. Clearly, this is a person who understands something about entertainment that I don't. I am awestruck by Micheal Jackson for the first time in my life.

In any case, I am hopeful that they will discover that he really was killed by a freak heart attack and not something that will leave lazy pundits to say "he was killed by fame" because he was not. In this bold new world where everyone rips off the Louds and Pizza boys with guitars believe they are musicians, its important to recognize that fame can be a talent beyond the talent that made you famous. For here was a man who lived for fame, worked very hard at it his whole life, and despite many adversities in other parts of his life, was very good a being famous.

Lorem ipsum

Turns out its really latin. See more here.

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum."

Section 1.10.32 of "de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum", written by Cicero in 45 BC
"Sed ut perspiciatis unde omnis iste natus error sit voluptatem accusantium doloremque laudantium, totam rem aperiam, eaque ipsa quae ab illo inventore veritatis et quasi architecto beatae vitae dicta sunt explicabo. Nemo enim ipsam voluptatem quia voluptas sit aspernatur aut odit aut fugit, sed quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt. Neque porro quisquam est, qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit, sed quia non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem. Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam, nisi ut aliquid ex ea commodi consequatur? Quis autem vel eum iure reprehenderit qui in ea voluptate velit esse quam nihil molestiae consequatur, vel illum qui dolorem eum fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur?"

Section 1.10.33 of "de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum", written by Cicero in 45 BC
"At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Temporibus autem quibusdam et aut officiis debitis aut rerum necessitatibus saepe eveniet ut et voluptates repudiandae sint et molestiae non recusandae. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat."

Canonical rant: kid food

I am at the Pantera house of soft guitar, salad, and overblown rolls.
Its only because Dakota likes the chicken noodle soup served in a
"bread bowl" that we are here. The other customers are glaring at me
because Jason is playing missile command with imaginary nukes falling
over the table. He is using the table number holder as the missile and
making not only launch noises but "incoming target acquired... Ready.
FIRE!!!!!!!"

Who said "F*** 'em if they can't take a joke"?

Anyway, what Who said. Besides the aggravating factor is probably that
to the other patrons, I seem disengaged with my kids' antics, as I
gamely tap away at my Blackberry. Foolish suburbanites, I am merely
typing the prologue to a Canonical Rant (tm).

[Mental note, register trademark]

Canonical Rant: Kid food.
Our paternalistic society lectures parents and everyone else about how
we are unhealthy in our eating choices, starting from childhood. The
blame is placed on mixed messages from society. True, but the gun is
pointed at the wrong hypocrisy. The problems are the odious paring of
toy food and toy-shaped kids food.

What the hell is wrong with people? We tell kids:

"Don't eat your toys" and give them impossibly tasty looking plastic
hamburgers, Play doh sushi makers, wood block carrots.

Then we say;

"Don't play with your food" and give them chicken nuggets shaped like
rocket ships and dinosaurs. By the way the word "food" for kids food
ought to be used loosely. There is little substantive difference
between the nutritional contents of a nugget and of the box it comes
in.

Nor do I accept the whole "make your kids fun easy organic food"
notion. This is America, damnit. its the land of convenient service.
Kids food should look like food and taste good and be healthy and be
cheap. Its a market failure when middle class people "opt out of
consumerism". Whatever the hell that means. Yeah, all those organic
food making appliances and supplies, not to mention your fetish farmers market food.
Way to opt out, comrade.

There is are several finishes to this canonical rant. I'll do all the variants.

Variant 1: regulate
There outta be a law.
The only really good way to change the balance of power between
relatively weak and diffuse consumer and the relatively large number
of offending food producers is to make kids food required on all
menus and to prohibit terrible kids food.

My conservative libertarian friends recoil in horror "you'll drive
restaurants out of business" and "its not free market. " There are
times I can see your point and not disrespect it, but in general this
isn't one of those times. Its hardly axiomatic that free markets
require caveat emptor and that society should accept the cost of
vendors selling Styrofoam sandwiches sprinkled in glass shards.

more importantly the claims that its overly paternalistic on consumers
is nonsense. Consumers don't want Styrofoam sandwiches but if vendors
refuse to stop making them, they will be forced to buy them. If you
don't believe that, then how else can you explain that I bought a
Yaris? Anyhow its the conservatives who are being paternalistic to
capitalists. Capitalists are ingenious. Tell them: make money selling
food but the rule is no Styrofoam sandwiches and they will figure it
out.

Get to work, Congress. Ban food that looks like toys and toys that
look like food.

Variant 2: litigate

Replace para 1 of the above with:
Everyone ought to sue everyone.

Replace the last paragraph with:
Civil litigation is a great tool of reform, especially against a
recalcitrant defendant with lobbying power. We owe the plaintiff's
bar a great debt for protecting our democratic ideals. I refer you to
Federalist Paper No. 51. Yes, its about a system of checks and
balances in the offices of government, but its also about the nature
of our courts to make power more diffuse. The diffusion of power
amongst all members of society is a disruptive but critical aspect of
society.

Variant 3: heartwarming anecdote
(This is an add-on to variant 1)

When I was in elementary school and my parents marriage was nearly done
for, my mom purchased a glass top coffee table for the living room.
The living room itself was an area ironically named in the waning days
of the marriage. In the 70's my parents entertained guests there and I
think when Eugene was left at home by himself he'd get into "risky
business" type mischief there; maybe that's just hero worship on my
part.

Anyhow, my mom decided that the thing to put on the monstrosity was a
glass candy dish and these horrendous hard candies. A glass bowl on a
glass surface + elementary school kids. Insanity, but somehow I didn't
break it. Instead, after a layer of dust got on the candy, I slid it
into the sun and it got gooey. Then I threw the candy out

"William, where did the display candy go?"

"Display candy, display for who?"

"Whom"

"Anyhow it got sticky... Gross"

"Oh... Good. Did you put your marbles in the bowl?!?"

"Yes... Don't they look tasty?"

"They do, actually"

Inside I was thinking about the fact that glass candy was hysterically
immoral and laughing.

It was a tough time for us (mom and I) back then but in retrospect, I
have a lot more sympathy for the idea that as her life became a
shambles, and the things she built up went down in flames, why not have
a piece of gleaming crystal interior decor on top of an ostentatious
and impractical furnishing? It could hardly be the worst thing that
one could do in response! Except if toy food was illegal. Then they
would have arrested me. I wonder if I would have been tried as an
adult.

Probably. Reagan was tough on crime.

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

The Prince Charles Style

Here's the url: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/19/world/europe/19london.html

So I don't particularly like Prince Charles. He wrote a book in 94 saying how sad and miserable he was. Dude, you are the friggin' Prince of Wales, suck it up.

And I somewhat like contemporary architecture, although I like the newer stuff, which is challenging, and I believe will ultimate change, the sort of excess that lead to the hot mirror Trav describes here (I'm brushing my teeth right now, I'll add the link later [added]). But thinking about the Archis at Rice, and as much as I liked some of them personally (I am talking about you, Mike Woods.) Archis can be a bit muck. Prince Charles is right: England is not LA or Berlin. England should look like England. And... Archis, get over yourselves. None of you are Roarke (or whatever anti-Roarke is now en vouge for Archis) especially not you Frank Gheary. And aesthics are not ethics, no matter how often they get confused in US politics.

My viewpoint on this follows the same thinking about the new Yankee Stadium (and more or less every baseball stadium since Camden yards) which architecture and design critics tend to decry for not being cool enough.

Finally, I am not an English Consttitutional Law Proffesor, but if Prince Charles can't shoot his mouth off and say "this new building plan looks like a dung heap" then something is wrong.

If I could be a superhero

I would never be Superman.
I would be Dr. Strange.

Or Harvey Birdman (of course)

--
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Leatherfoot's facebook status

was about Project SERENE. Here's a link.

I was thinking today at lunch about how there should be a US Department of Mnemonic Development. It would be an offshoot of OSHA. Effectively, US Mnemonic Developers (US MDs) would regulate industry acroymns, and monitor the acroynmns (including the pronouncation thereof) developed by some companies whose acroynmn development has a pervasive effect on an industry as a whole. The enabling act for USDMD would arise from the "regulate interstate commerce" power. See U.S. Const. Art. I, sec. 8, cl. 2

Anyhow, the main way which the USDMD would regulate would not be through CFRs. Instead, the department would publish a series of advisory opinions, and then make information requests or conduct audits. The audits might result in the issuance of citations for eronneously named acronymns (ENAs) such that the industry analysts could talk about how, for example: ACME Corp received over 200 ENAs at the last US Department of Mnemonic Development Mnemonic Audit. But their main competitor, Salient Company, received none. When asked how he felt about the results of the US Department of Mnemonic Development Mnemonic Audit, the CEO of Salient replied, "Ecstatic"




That was a lot of work for a sad pun.

Do not buy sunglasses for a 4 year old

At least not sunglasses that you want to keep. You know those paper things that the eye doctor gives you after you've had the drops? Get those.

Other vacation wisdom:

There is no such thing as "no-rub" sunscreen, nor waterproof sunscreen.
After you apply sunscreen to the kids, get yourself.
Don't overplan when and where on mealtime. Don't underplan potty availability.
Texans are real friendly.
Texans like funny jokes.
A novelty light saber makes a great flashlight. It's perfect for not bumping into the hotel desk chair on the way to the bathroom ...



... and for checking on the kids and their bears. I had some sort of attrocious play on words here with "visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads" and "visions of like...um... space bad guys and lasers and...um" its late and I'm on vacation, so let's just say that the kids are getting high quality "worn out from jumping on the hotel bed" sleep. G'night.

I like Regina Spektor

Laughing With


Which is strange because, for example I freakin' hate Dave Matthews.

Dave Matthews Band - The Space Between




And though I find "ha-ha-ha-ha-heart" intruiging (not to mention betta betta betta betta betta)

Fidelity


I'm annoyed by Nelly Furtado. It's true -woo woo woo. Although this remix that simultaneously speeds her up and slows her down is pretty cool....


You know, I used to really like to watch music videos. When did that stop?
Look... DEVO!
We Are Electric


Oh, wait. I remember now why I gave up on music videos:


Yikes.

Winona Ryder and Christian Slater are doing a sequel to Heathers

Seems like such a bad idea, so why does it seem so awesome?

--
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Words of advice for young people

I had a different post here that I wrote last night as I was falling asleep. I didn't like it. So here's the new one.

"A journey of a thousand steps, starts with a thousand steps. Oh,then its pretty much over"

I was watching TV yesterday. The worlds largest man (1,032 lbs.) was the subject of a documentary about how they removed over 700 lbs from his body; mostly by surgery. He was from Houston. As was the worlds largest woman; over 900 lbs. And the world's heaviest teen, he wasn't all that heavy, but was he ever miserable! And the largest concentration of super morbidly obese people (over 560 lbs.)
I turned off the TV and took the kids to the pool and swam laps during adult swim.
Truthfully, I got much more exercise treading water next to Jason's floatie. By "treading water" I mean standing on my tiptoes in the pool, which with the Achilles is a really good exercise, just the right balance of support and resistance. I also packed my sneakers for work today, but I will likely work through lunch; as usual. Also the kids and I got ice cream from the ice cream man. And we had cookies for a dinner appetizer.

This is my idea of living large. I am like Wonko the sane, but more plain. I don't need a secret volcano lair, nor an army of robots; I can still be a supervillian, if someone wants to battle me in googles, armed with pillows. I can boil a mean pot of water. I can microwave too. My kids know how to Tivo, and they understand what I mean by "this is a tube of plenty." In my mind's eye, I see that my ear's nose is the liver of my soul, which was always middle-aged. And now I am too.
So now... this is it! This is my movie. And though I've seen this movie, I like it. I might channel surf a bit, but I'll keep flipping back.