Weird dream

Last night I dream that my life was a movie and that the part of me was played by MORGAN FREEMAN. The studio decided that my life wasn't compelling enough so they made me into some sort of mysterious alien-phoenix type creature who gradually becomes aged and decrepit unless and until I get a particular type of unpronounceable xenoflora, a sort of a bamboo-kudzu looking type of deal. Normally, I keep a concentrate paste of the stuff around to keep me going, but secret agents had taken it out of my medicine cabinet, so I was aging gracelessly and needed to get to Checnya to find the original farmhouse that had the first plant. After some upsetting failures where I arrived too late to stop the agents from destroying the crop, I got to a secret grove where I harvested and ate the raw stalks mixed with olive oil (so... a pesto) which had somewhat of a "Morgan Freeman as level 4 Super Saien" effect. This came in handy because the secret agents were closing in...

That's when the test-screening audiences were given a questionaire. For the most part they found the plot "ludricrous" and "insultingly derivative." They thought that Morgan Freeman was overplaying my part and that the "Checyna as the mystical old-west" conceit made for a lousy movie locale.

That's when the executive producer's cell phone rang. It was the studio. They decided to recoup the investment on this turkey by selling the rights to the Sci-Fi channel. And by the way, he's fired.

Apparently there was a clause in the contract that said that the studio could pay me a lump sum if the property went straight to cable ("non-broadcast televised format") rather than paying me a percentage of the gross for a cinema, live theatre, broadcast television, or DVD-only release. Worse, because Sci-Fi Network were now the owners 1) I lost any claim on residuals 2) The concept of me was now property of Sci-Fi network and I was forced to pay a royalty to them or else immediately desist from being absurd. I told the Sci-Fi network's corporate counsel that I guess I would have to quit being absurd. He laughed in my face. What a jerk!