Ok. I will tell you a story. Yay! Once there was a pirate. Yar!!! That's right, he was mean and evil and his name was Blackbeard. We heard about him on PBS. No, this is a different one. Blackbeard was so mean that he punched a shark in the face! Then the shark bit his fist off, so he put a hook at the end of his arm instead. Daddy this story is too scary and I will have nightmares.
One day Blackbeard was looking for people to be mean to, but he found an island with a Unicorn instead. Pirate poke unicorn eye! Well, he certainly tried to. Like I said, he was very mean and evil, but the Unicorn had a horn on his head and was a skilled duelist. The Unicorn easily parried the pirate's hook. Then the Unicorn used "Rainbow Magic" to turn the hook into a pineapple.
The other pirates were very hungry and tried to eat the pineapple at the end of Blackbeard's hand.
"Avast ye scurvy swabs! First of ye to lay mitts on me pineapple shall 'ave 'is 'ead bashed against the mizzenmast! Arr arr arrr"What do you think happened next Dakota? Then they found lots of fruit and nobody had to be eaten. Ok, I can work with that.
"Um, beggin' your pardon cap'n, but as a matter o' fact, we do 'ave scurvy. It is why the delicious tropical fruit that the unicorn transformed your prosthetic limb into looks so... delicious."
"Look o'er thaRRRn ye swarthy devils"I don't like the Devil. Dakota, Blackbeard calls his own crew names because he's so mean. Maybe he's just sad. Yes, I am sure the pressures of being a villian make him lonely and unhappy. Let's get back to the story.
"Look o'er thaRRRn ye swarthy devils... Thar she boughs! ... Laden with fru-its"So the crew got rum from the ship and had pina coladas and coconut daiquiris. They felt so happy that in the evening, they had a clam bake and sang sea shanties until they all fell down on their booty and went to sleep.
"Oh yes, it will be much easier to get fruit from defenseless trees than to try to wrestle a single pineapple hand from our sociopath captain"
Zzzz. Zzzz.
The end.
