Rumor has it that Re-Bob was at the first Democratic Primary in South Carolina

Hey Baba, campaign spokesperson for Re-Bob, spoke at the major media by re-explaining that Re-Bob is running as an independent.

"No man is an island, but Re-Bob is a strong foundation," said Hey.

One reporter asked: "Isn't that only true if the bars are evenly spaced at 8 inch intervals"

"First of all," explained Baba doggedly, "one must understand that strength, composition and tolerance are not conflicting dimensions. Secondly, I want to get to the source of the confusion: that person you saw in South Carolina was also from way up north, but it was not Re-Bob. It was, in fact, Mo Gravel. For those of you who can't tell Gravel from Re-Bob, I say to you: you don't know your asphalt from emblem!"

Slap Me Earth Day, Happy Birthday

Happy Earth Day

When I was in first grade, I had a friend who I thought was cool. He also thought he was cool, so much so that tried to be Fonzie. Being Fonzie was an ideal that all the boys at P.S. 26 aspired to, but my friend (who shall remain nameless... oh nameless is boring... let's call him "Herbert" as in Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli), Herbert, was the most explicit about his aspiration to be Fonzie. For various reasons this aspiration was not challenged by anyone and, in fact, greatly respected by all.

How did Hebert emulate the Fonz? It was not by having hair so perfect that it did not need combing (although Herbert did have that in a very "1980 kid" kind of way) nor by riding a motor cycle or having a leather jacket or saying "Ay..." or by being able to turn electro-mechanical equipment on/off by snapping or hitting the side of it with finesse or by having the power to summon chicks... Hebert probably could have done all of these things and thinking about his later life (which, sadly, was filled with strife like the episodes where Fonzie goes blind, rides to the top of Dead Man's Peak, gets hit in the face by a drunk Richie, is dumped by the deaf chick, is dumped by Heather, unknowingly meets father who had abandon him as a baby, begrudgingly meets his half-brother who bears the grim news that his aforementioned father has died, has his bike disassembled, endeavors in vain to get the town to overcome its racism, is frozen by Mork from Ork, has the near-fatal accident, and almost loses Pinky Tuscadero to the Malachi crunch only to lose her to the realization that her fame will eclipse his identity, and is nearly run out of town by the fascist cop all at once... whoa!) probably did, eventually.

But in first grade, Herbert concentrated on one particular aspect of Fonzie emulation, and that was being wise like the Fonz. This was embodied in many Fonzie to Richie like pronouncements to me about how to be cool, and... if you have already guessed: that he would emulate Fonzie by predicating requests that I slap fives with the first half of a rhyming couplets (the second half of which would be revealed following the conveyance of said five and would normally have rhyme that was both wistful and ironically cosmic) ... then give yourself a big 'ol "exactamundo."

Anyway: First grade was years before the mainstreaming of the holiday where we celebrate the eco-catastrophe of our species' unbridled avarice, pride, and sloth (Wikipedia tells me that Earth Day started in 1970, but I don't believe anyone knew what Earth Day was before Captain Planet) so in that sense, Hebert was extremely cool for predicting that we would all be slapped Earth Day on our Birthday or on April 22 which was everyone's Birthday, everyone from planet Earth, that is.

So...

Slap me Earth Day, Herbert.

Slap me Earth Day, indeed.

 .

Trusts and Wills study tip: There is no "s" in decedent

Because when you die, you die alone.

There is an "a" in Descendant.
As in: "Ay! Where's my inherentance?"

Practice:

Decedent
Descendant
Decedent
Descendant
Decedent
Descendant
Decedent
Descendant
Decedant
Descendant
Decedent
Descendant


Better Butter Batter Better Butter Batter Better Butter Batter.

Ok...

Middle game gabmit for Putin-Kasparov

Moscow riot police attempted to hold Kasparov after the World chess champion took the center board position on Russia's e flank.

"Putin, I laugh at ill-balanced counter by your pawns. Cower in your castle because our united opposition is making material as we speak!!!"

A spokesperson for the Moscow people reportedly said of Kasparov, "He's one bad bishop."

Now We Are Six

by A. A. Milne
When I was One,
I had just begun.
When I was Two,
I was nearly new.
When I was Three
I was hardly me.
When I was Four,
I was not much more.
When I was Five, I was just alive.
But now I am Six, I'm as clever as clever,
So I think I'll be six now for ever and ever.

Sigh... how original to mark Dakota's 6th Birthday with "Now we are six" I can hardly wait until I am asked to speak at a commencement and talk about "Oh the places you'll go" and "the road less traveled."

Milne isn't Dakota. Dakota was fully her own person at about three minutes, and when she was four, she was so much more. And when she was two, we scared the cr*p out of her with Scooby Doo...

Elect the Millenium Falcon

I was going to the Post Office web site to see the status of my shipment when the government sucker-punched me with my own nerd-dom.

How do people in the Post Office know what will appeal to big nerds?

Anyhow, I encourage everyone to vote for the Millenium Falcon.

Re-Bob raises 26 M & Ms

Following the annoucements of the Q1 fundraising totals, candidate Re-Bob's campaign office announce that Re-Bob had successfully raised 26 M & Ms

When asked for a comment, Hey Baba, campaign spokesperson for Re-Bob, said "Don't litter!"

Don't Name Baby Ghengis "Kyan" -- Canonical Rants on Baby Names (mispellings)

Baby Boy Names on reality TV seem more and more to merely be ordinary names with mispellings. That isn't original, it's illiteral.

Please do not name baby Ghengis "Kyan". It is not a good compromise between "Kevin" and "Ryan" it just looks like the top of the name got cut off when the birth certificate form got Xeroxed.

If someone came up to me and said, "Hello, my name is Kyan." I would d think, "oh... like the pepper." Then Kyan would be like "no... with a K!"

Alternatively, I'd think, "Maybe the parents had a dog named 'Blue' and they just thought that they'd pick a classy synonym for blue and just missspelled it..."

Other first names that are just... wrong:

Palph (Even "Balph" is a clever reference to Atlas Shrugged, but "Palph" is just moronic)
Robelt
Frod
Jomh
Any name heard on ST:TNG, which was meant for a space alien but is just lazy writing. Well, congratulations, lazy writer, you've ruined the names "J-lon" and "Darmok" for me.

"Will, it was a subtle reference because he was the Freedom fighter who captured Dr. Crusher in order to get her to save lives, and Jalen means..."

be quiet, lazybones writer! It does not mean that. And even if it does, that just means you are L-A-Z-Y, with one semesters worth of ancient Greek in college. And you got a "C+"