Dell Smartphone in the Works
Anyone remember the Dell Axim? Unholy Zune, Batman, what a monstrosity! Michael Dell, don't make me bean my Merlin at you.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
I usually do not relate to rap music lyrics so well...
I love the parallels between "Suspended" and "A Mind Forever Voyaging"
Friday, January 30, 2009
I dream of Admiral Blogs
In my dream, I was in a big hair band giving a benefit concert for the charitable foundation of Retired Admiral Blogs. Someoned our set list such that I didn't know any of the words to the songs, so I replaced all the lyrics with neologisms.
Also, they didn't have any cordless mics, so I had a corded mic which kept getting stuck on the cast on my foot.
Also, they didn't have any cordless mics, so I had a corded mic which kept getting stuck on the cast on my foot.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Were I pre-William Travis, I'd get annoyed, too
"Organic water" is nonsense. Or maybe worse. (There's nothing quite as organic as some cholera, giardia or guinea worm in your water.)
But thanks to William's post, "organic water" is now a happy memory for me. I'll seek it out, just to prompt that happy memory, calling out, "Yes, organic water! I'll take two, my good man!" (OK, I won't actually buy any, but I will call out.)
But thanks to William's post, "organic water" is now a happy memory for me. I'll seek it out, just to prompt that happy memory, calling out, "Yes, organic water! I'll take two, my good man!" (OK, I won't actually buy any, but I will call out.)
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Were I Travis, I would get very annoyed
Just to preface this: I know nothing about since about 11th grade. Nevertheless, I saw today in the cafeteria something that looked like total non-sense
O R G A N I C W A T E R !
What makes it organic? Does it have some sort of carbon in it? So... its carbonated. Brilliant.
"I'd like my water with Benzene. Benzene is an organic chemical, so it must be good for me."
Ok... a little lunchtime cognitive dissonance.
O R G A N I C W A T E R !
What makes it organic? Does it have some sort of carbon in it? So... its carbonated. Brilliant.
"I'd like my water with Benzene. Benzene is an organic chemical, so it must be good for me."
Ok... a little lunchtime cognitive dissonance.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
William Li's Endorsement of Barrack Obama
Today, President Barrack Obama put in place a policy that showed his effectiveness as a leader, his ability to transcend politics, and his strength of character. I am, of course, talking about the fact that he will be continuing to use his BlackBerry.
Obama faced down a daunting coalition of IT staff, Secret Service minders, NSA, White House lawyers, and beaucrats who said to him "No We Can't" to him he said "My will is stronger, you cannot outlast me. Yes we can."
A gracious winner, however, he did agree to certain measures that showed his concern for his number 1 job of security for the United States. That is to say he may also have a BlackBerry made to military specification. Check it out the General Dynamic Sectéra® Edge™, this thing is friggin' sweet.
I heard a rumor that there are certain hidden features like, if some jerk is hassling him, he can train an infrared beam on the doofus and an airwing of F-16s will come and blow 'em all to smithereens! Also it plays MP3s.
Seriously though, I admit being somewhat ambivelent as to whether Obama had the will to really lead the executive branch, which means working the controls of the machine rather than vice versa. But it also means actually working the machine, not just kicking the controls and saying "if I shut my eyes and stamp my feet hard enough I can change reality", with IT issues especially this can be a big problem. Today Obama addressed both of those concerns for me.
Obama faced down a daunting coalition of IT staff, Secret Service minders, NSA, White House lawyers, and beaucrats who said to him "No We Can't" to him he said "My will is stronger, you cannot outlast me. Yes we can."
A gracious winner, however, he did agree to certain measures that showed his concern for his number 1 job of security for the United States. That is to say he may also have a BlackBerry made to military specification. Check it out the General Dynamic Sectéra® Edge™, this thing is friggin' sweet.
I heard a rumor that there are certain hidden features like, if some jerk is hassling him, he can train an infrared beam on the doofus and an airwing of F-16s will come and blow 'em all to smithereens! Also it plays MP3s.
Seriously though, I admit being somewhat ambivelent as to whether Obama had the will to really lead the executive branch, which means working the controls of the machine rather than vice versa. But it also means actually working the machine, not just kicking the controls and saying "if I shut my eyes and stamp my feet hard enough I can change reality", with IT issues especially this can be a big problem. Today Obama addressed both of those concerns for me.
Other super powered people in my comic book universe: The morally ambigious
3 of 4: Search results for super personnel
This is very meta, I'm blogging about a search result.
Yesterday morning as I was waking up I had a clear vision of the cover for "Captain Bombastic on the island of Retroactive Continuities" which would be a limited run series of thirteen comic in which the events of every issue would sharply contradict the previous issue, only to be explained away implausibly by minor characters, to the frustration of Captain Bombastic (and the readers). The only problem I had was that I couldn't decide if the Cap'n was a good guy or a bad guy, but then I recalled a conversation that I had recently with Dave about the strength and weaknesses of DC and Marvel (DC all the villans are interesting, all the heroes are ridiculous, Marvel has the opposite problem) and decided that Captain Bombastic was morally ambigious.
This lead me to think about (as I was driving home) the character called "William Li, for real not fictional" which would be a thinly vieled stand-in for me. In the comic, he would blog endlessly about himself as if he were really interesting and imagine epic stories in which he would be the protaganist. I was also thinking about calling this character Lilliam Wii.
Who else?
Dr. Obvious (umlaut over the "u") is the name of my character from MySims Kingdom and he's morally ambigious.
Friend with Benefit. The morally ambigious companion to Super Personel Person. Sidekick? Lover? Or merely an acquaintance? The problem with this character is that it combines the least funny elements of the "Seinfeld" pilot with "Its just Pat"
Colm Meaney. I'd have the license the name and likeness rights. Anyone know his agent?
The Joke Explainer. This would be a parody (and thus protected free speech) of the DC universe. The Joke Explainer would an arch-enemy of the Joker, but not an ally or enemy of Batman. The Joke Explainer would essentially ruin all of the Joker's evil mayhem by well... you get the idea. The trick to this character would be to never directly mention either Batman or the Joker. I shouldn't even be mentioning them now. I mean them in the historical sense or some other type of fair use. Can't sue me, called it. No backsies. Did you know that worked? Disclaimer: This is not legal advice.
Crabby Aunt Whatshername. "How is she related to me again? What's her deal anyway?" wonders Super Personnel Person. A jolt of fear flows through Super Personnel Person as the realization dawns, "I can't remember her name!" Crabby Aunt somehow can neutralize Super Personnel Person's power. Is it malevolence or is it just an unfortunate but natural reaction to being around someone so crabby and disagreeable?
Likely Supreme Court Justice Nominee What does she really believe? That last time she wrote an opinion of personal preference it was a negative review of "Blind Date" staring Bruce Willis and Kim Bassinger, that she wrote as a freshman for her college newspaper. "Senator, since being named to the Federal Circuit Court of Appeals, I have taken a second look at that film and now regret my youthful overexuberance. While I described the move as 'vapid' and dismissed the premise 'as if', I now see the movie for what it was in the context of the time and must conclude that this movie can be recognized as a production of TriStar pictures which some people have a variety of opinions about." Fox News Commentator "See this is what I mean! TriStar was merely the distributor of that film, why not just hand the keys to the terrorists now?" Pacifica Radio Commentator "Nominee claims to recognize the people have a variety of opinions, but her record on the bench shows her to be extremely judgmental. She seems to have an opinion on every case, although sometimes she only makes a ruling. Ruling! Outrageous. No more rules; we want Democracy, Now!"
Insomniac. Related to Lilliam Wii.
This is very meta, I'm blogging about a search result.
Yesterday morning as I was waking up I had a clear vision of the cover for "Captain Bombastic on the island of Retroactive Continuities" which would be a limited run series of thirteen comic in which the events of every issue would sharply contradict the previous issue, only to be explained away implausibly by minor characters, to the frustration of Captain Bombastic (and the readers). The only problem I had was that I couldn't decide if the Cap'n was a good guy or a bad guy, but then I recalled a conversation that I had recently with Dave about the strength and weaknesses of DC and Marvel (DC all the villans are interesting, all the heroes are ridiculous, Marvel has the opposite problem) and decided that Captain Bombastic was morally ambigious.
This lead me to think about (as I was driving home) the character called "William Li, for real not fictional" which would be a thinly vieled stand-in for me. In the comic, he would blog endlessly about himself as if he were really interesting and imagine epic stories in which he would be the protaganist. I was also thinking about calling this character Lilliam Wii.
Who else?
Dr. Obvious (umlaut over the "u") is the name of my character from MySims Kingdom and he's morally ambigious.
Friend with Benefit. The morally ambigious companion to Super Personel Person. Sidekick? Lover? Or merely an acquaintance? The problem with this character is that it combines the least funny elements of the "Seinfeld" pilot with "Its just Pat"
Colm Meaney. I'd have the license the name and likeness rights. Anyone know his agent?
The Joke Explainer. This would be a parody (and thus protected free speech) of the DC universe. The Joke Explainer would an arch-enemy of the Joker, but not an ally or enemy of Batman. The Joke Explainer would essentially ruin all of the Joker's evil mayhem by well... you get the idea. The trick to this character would be to never directly mention either Batman or the Joker. I shouldn't even be mentioning them now. I mean them in the historical sense or some other type of fair use. Can't sue me, called it. No backsies. Did you know that worked? Disclaimer: This is not legal advice.
Crabby Aunt Whatshername. "How is she related to me again? What's her deal anyway?" wonders Super Personnel Person. A jolt of fear flows through Super Personnel Person as the realization dawns, "I can't remember her name!" Crabby Aunt somehow can neutralize Super Personnel Person's power. Is it malevolence or is it just an unfortunate but natural reaction to being around someone so crabby and disagreeable?
Likely Supreme Court Justice Nominee What does she really believe? That last time she wrote an opinion of personal preference it was a negative review of "Blind Date" staring Bruce Willis and Kim Bassinger, that she wrote as a freshman for her college newspaper. "Senator, since being named to the Federal Circuit Court of Appeals, I have taken a second look at that film and now regret my youthful overexuberance. While I described the move as 'vapid' and dismissed the premise 'as if', I now see the movie for what it was in the context of the time and must conclude that this movie can be recognized as a production of TriStar pictures which some people have a variety of opinions about." Fox News Commentator "See this is what I mean! TriStar was merely the distributor of that film, why not just hand the keys to the terrorists now?" Pacifica Radio Commentator "Nominee claims to recognize the people have a variety of opinions, but her record on the bench shows her to be extremely judgmental. She seems to have an opinion on every case, although sometimes she only makes a ruling. Ruling! Outrageous. No more rules; we want Democracy, Now!"
Insomniac. Related to Lilliam Wii.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Screens Not the Answer to Keep Birds Out of Jet Engines - NYTimes.com
Screens Not the Answer to Keep Birds Out of Jet Engines - NYTimes.com
At this moment Travis is just shaking his head sadly at the poor state of science education in this country that lead to the need for the perceived need by the NY Times to report on this.
Here are some more things which are not the answer to keep birds out of jet engines:
1) Decoys on the tail. Birds will see the decoy on the tail and say, "I want to head to the tail of the plane" thus avoiding the engine.
2) Lasers. "Bew bew bew!"
3) A return to the Halcyon era of Led Zeplins.
4) Exterminate all birds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pow Pow Pow!
5) Right before the plane goes down, hit "reset" Hey, it works on the simulator.
6) Videoconferencing. It will totally replace the need for business travel and make the world a smaller and more connected place. Ok you can't see this, but I typed that and then had a belly laugh for about ten minutes.
7) Padding on airplanes
8) Padding on birds
9) When the engine goes down during the flight, send the mechanic out to fix it. Hey, that's what IT does. Sort of.
10) Padding on the passengers
At this moment Travis is just shaking his head sadly at the poor state of science education in this country that lead to the need for the perceived need by the NY Times to report on this.
Here are some more things which are not the answer to keep birds out of jet engines:
1) Decoys on the tail. Birds will see the decoy on the tail and say, "I want to head to the tail of the plane" thus avoiding the engine.
2) Lasers. "Bew bew bew!"
3) A return to the Halcyon era of Led Zeplins.
4) Exterminate all birds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pow Pow Pow!
5) Right before the plane goes down, hit "reset" Hey, it works on the simulator.
6) Videoconferencing. It will totally replace the need for business travel and make the world a smaller and more connected place. Ok you can't see this, but I typed that and then had a belly laugh for about ten minutes.
7) Padding on airplanes
8) Padding on birds
9) When the engine goes down during the flight, send the mechanic out to fix it. Hey, that's what IT does. Sort of.
10) Padding on the passengers
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Can Obama be as great as Fonzie? No
There is a lot of belief that Obama can make the world a better place. In my memory, I can't think of a time when so many things were so bad with the potential to get so much worse, so just keeping the world from ending would be a validation of our hopes.
That said:
Remember when Fonzie was temporarily struck blind and Ralph and Potzie disassembled his motorcycle and Fonzie fought through tears until he realized he found the parts of his carberator and he reassmbled his whole bike just from feel?
How about when he rescued Pinky Tuscadaro from the Malachi Brothers only to let the love of his life go free?
How about when he proved his patriotism to fellow jurors by showing his red white and blue socks, then went on to convince the panel to vote for acquittal?
Can Obama make the jukebox play by hitting it just so?
Did you guess my point yet? Did you guess my point is "Obama is just a man. He is not a mythic hero like the Fonz.". Did you just say "exactamundo"? You did?
Heyyyyyyyyyy!
That said:
Remember when Fonzie was temporarily struck blind and Ralph and Potzie disassembled his motorcycle and Fonzie fought through tears until he realized he found the parts of his carberator and he reassmbled his whole bike just from feel?
How about when he rescued Pinky Tuscadaro from the Malachi Brothers only to let the love of his life go free?
How about when he proved his patriotism to fellow jurors by showing his red white and blue socks, then went on to convince the panel to vote for acquittal?
Can Obama make the jukebox play by hitting it just so?
Did you guess my point yet? Did you guess my point is "Obama is just a man. He is not a mythic hero like the Fonz.". Did you just say "exactamundo"? You did?
Heyyyyyyyyyy!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Cheney threw his back out moving
Things I blog about when I can't sleep...
So I am no stranger to back pain. Its been my friend since about senior year. I remember lying flat on my back at a lacrosse party at smu "no... I'm not even drinking, my back just hurts"
Having suffered through one trip to the er in an ambulence, and painful chronic problems through law school, I feel fairly confident to say that the Rx of "sit in a wheelchair for the inauguration" is an 8th amendment violation in the extreme
What they should do instead is this:
1. Shoot Cheney up with toridol, valium, vicoden, flexiril, and xanax. They should deal with his spasms, pain, inflamation, and anxiety about the whole situation. Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. This is not medical advice. If you are reading this, there is no doctor patient relationship established; weirdo.
2. Put him on a back board and take him to the inauguration in a hearse
3. In the grandstand have a trap door below his seat
4. Below the trap door, rig a dumbwaiter
5. Stand up cheney and put him in the dumbwaiter
6. Send him up
7. When everyone is supposed to be seated have the dumbwaiter descend about two feet. It might look weird to his seated neighboors that the outgoing vp is knee deep in a hole, but it should look fine on tv if there is some sort of screen in front.
8. For extra pizzaz cheney's entry can be preceeded by a puff of smoke and the chief justice roberts waiving his magic gavel and invoking a writ of "hocus pocus habeas corpus!"
So I am no stranger to back pain. Its been my friend since about senior year. I remember lying flat on my back at a lacrosse party at smu "no... I'm not even drinking, my back just hurts"
Having suffered through one trip to the er in an ambulence, and painful chronic problems through law school, I feel fairly confident to say that the Rx of "sit in a wheelchair for the inauguration" is an 8th amendment violation in the extreme
What they should do instead is this:
1. Shoot Cheney up with toridol, valium, vicoden, flexiril, and xanax. They should deal with his spasms, pain, inflamation, and anxiety about the whole situation. Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. This is not medical advice. If you are reading this, there is no doctor patient relationship established; weirdo.
2. Put him on a back board and take him to the inauguration in a hearse
3. In the grandstand have a trap door below his seat
4. Below the trap door, rig a dumbwaiter
5. Stand up cheney and put him in the dumbwaiter
6. Send him up
7. When everyone is supposed to be seated have the dumbwaiter descend about two feet. It might look weird to his seated neighboors that the outgoing vp is knee deep in a hole, but it should look fine on tv if there is some sort of screen in front.
8. For extra pizzaz cheney's entry can be preceeded by a puff of smoke and the chief justice roberts waiving his magic gavel and invoking a writ of "hocus pocus habeas corpus!"
Friday, January 16, 2009
Methane Could Signal Life On Mars
Methane Could Signal Life On Mars
"...Methane is quickly destroyed in the Martian atmosphere in a variety of ways, so our discovery of substantial plumes of methane in the northern hemisphere of Mars in 2003 indicates some ongoing process is releasing the gas"
Everyone knows where methan comes from: cows and car exhausts. Ergo, Mars is a drive through the countryside. QED
"...Methane is quickly destroyed in the Martian atmosphere in a variety of ways, so our discovery of substantial plumes of methane in the northern hemisphere of Mars in 2003 indicates some ongoing process is releasing the gas"
Everyone knows where methan comes from: cows and car exhausts. Ergo, Mars is a drive through the countryside. QED
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
I owe Jason Perlmutter $100
The Associated Press: Long Hall of Fame wait is over for Jim Rice In 1989, while on a biking trip with SHP I made a bet that Jim Rice would never be elected to the hall of fame. For a long, it looked like I was going to win.
Jason, if you are out there, go ahead an email me.
Jason, if you are out there, go ahead an email me.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Thursday, January 08, 2009
For good or for awesome
Link with graphic reprinted with permission of the author. Who is awesome. Check him out:
Be Awesome Instead.
Congress Urged To Postpone Nation's Switch To Digital TV - washingtonpost.com
Congress Urged To Postpone Nation's Switch To Digital TV - washingtonpost.com
Dear Congress,
Stop the DTV switch! It's really a Satanic plot from the SILVER SHAMROCK CORPORATION! On February 17th bad witchcraft will cause American children everywhere to miss Barney causing their brains to start working for the first time ever and the overload will cause massive internal hemorraging. BLACK MAGIC!
Although the FCC has dragged their feet on this switch for over 350 years, we would like Congress to close their eyes, click their feet together and say "There is no place like the 11th century"
In closing, we'd like to say that the Earth if flat and the strange outsiders with their "wheel" thing scares us. Ugg.
Mounted backwards and upside on my mule as it charges out of town,
Lobbyist
NB: Yo, Halloween III IP guy, the above was a parody and as such is protected by the first amendment of the constitution. See Campbell v. Acuff-Rose Music, 510 U.S. 569 (1994). So chill.
Dear Congress,
Stop the DTV switch! It's really a Satanic plot from the SILVER SHAMROCK CORPORATION! On February 17th bad witchcraft will cause American children everywhere to miss Barney causing their brains to start working for the first time ever and the overload will cause massive internal hemorraging. BLACK MAGIC!
Although the FCC has dragged their feet on this switch for over 350 years, we would like Congress to close their eyes, click their feet together and say "There is no place like the 11th century"
In closing, we'd like to say that the Earth if flat and the strange outsiders with their "wheel" thing scares us. Ugg.
Mounted backwards and upside on my mule as it charges out of town,
Lobbyist
NB: Yo, Halloween III IP guy, the above was a parody and as such is protected by the first amendment of the constitution. See Campbell v. Acuff-Rose Music, 510 U.S. 569 (1994). So chill.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Super Why and fate in fiction
Super Why is a kids show that I watch with Jason that very directly
addresses a problem I have with things like luck or fate in fiction.
addresses a problem I have with things like luck or fate in fiction.
The show's protaganist, Wyatt, and his friends, "the Super
Readers," have the power to enter into the fictional world of a familiar
story (eg Pinoccio) and interview a character in order to export a
lesson learned to their own situation in their world. The twist is
that the lesson to be learned is always first learned in the story
universe, but the character is unable to act any differently
nothwithstanding having the lesson communicated to the character by
the Super Readers because the text of the story has predestined their
action. At this point, Wyatt invokes the power of some sort of magical
artifact to expose the underlying sentence of the text that mandates
this act and the super readers try other possible words or phrases to
change the story. The outcome is ultimately successful and a heraldic
ballad is sung in voice over.
When I was a senior at Rice, I wrote a paper exploring the ontological
status of fictional worlds. Specifically I was fascinated by the
relationship of fictional worlds with the real world and how the
ability to write additional text was a way to change not just the
world of that story but the ontological status of that creation. To a
certain extent I was thinking specifically about cultural icons who
seem to have a life beyond the original text (ie I examined Sherlock
Holmes).
In later years, however, I began to get very annoyed with "M Night
Shamalan" style movies about strange twists of fate. Audiences would
come out of the movie with a strong and very flawed notion of fate.
But in a story, fate is absolute and time is an illusion.
Thus far I am Dr Obvious. In watching Super Why, I realize that the
writers of that show are on to something brilliant. If ever you are
unhappy with how something happens in a book, get out your pen and
change it. You own the book, gosh darn it, that story better go the
way you want. Want Romeo to bloviate a bit longer until Juliet wakes
up and for them to cry and hug and kiss and skip town to become humble
shop keepers in Sardina where they live out their days in a rich and
full life filled with children, friends, grandchildren, and emotional
honesty? Well, go for it! Shakespeare can shove it, that is your copy of
the book.
Towards this end, I admit that SNL also stumbled onto this realizatiom
years ago with their far more satisfying alternate ending to "its a
wonderful life"
zuzu: daddy when a bell rings that means an angel got his wings. ...
--
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