Cheney threw his back out moving

Things I blog about when I can't sleep...

So I am no stranger to back pain. Its been my friend since about senior year. I remember lying flat on my back at a lacrosse party at smu "no... I'm not even drinking, my back just hurts"

Having suffered through one trip to the er in an ambulence, and painful chronic problems through law school, I feel fairly confident to say that the Rx of "sit in a wheelchair for the inauguration" is an 8th amendment violation in the extreme

What they should do instead is this:

1. Shoot Cheney up with toridol, valium, vicoden, flexiril, and xanax. They should deal with his spasms, pain, inflamation, and anxiety about the whole situation. Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. This is not medical advice. If you are reading this, there is no doctor patient relationship established; weirdo.

2. Put him on a back board and take him to the inauguration in a hearse

3. In the grandstand have a trap door below his seat

4. Below the trap door, rig a dumbwaiter

5. Stand up cheney and put him in the dumbwaiter

6. Send him up

7. When everyone is supposed to be seated have the dumbwaiter descend about two feet. It might look weird to his seated neighboors that the outgoing vp is knee deep in a hole, but it should look fine on tv if there is some sort of screen in front.

8. For extra pizzaz cheney's entry can be preceeded by a puff of smoke and the chief justice roberts waiving his magic gavel and invoking a writ of "hocus pocus habeas corpus!"