Dakota's Movie Review for

The Bridge On The River Kwai (1957)

"Its the train movie! Uh-oh, what happened? The bridge is broken and the train fell down. Daddy, can we go play with my blocks?"

I was checking out Gnod - The global network of dreams (that's dong, spelt backwards - as in the last part of a doorbell chime) because Louren and I stayed up late watching the movie,Duets, which is something like Over the Top if Alan Parker had directed it. Anyhow, the movie made me wonder, "Why isn't Huey Lewis still popular? How did that no-talent loser, Dave Matthews, steal his demographic?"

But according to Gnod the bands don't occupt the same spheres of influence AT ALL. That would imply that by assertion was not as strong as the Gnod's. Well, Mr. Artificial Intelligence self-adjusting induction theory of epistemology-based engine: that's no damn Gnod. No Gnod at all.

Normally this would lead to some sort of declaration that I was going to radically alter this database -- something like:

"Prepare to enter the Will Li Zone and be educated!"
This would be followed by me: using the web site, entering my data, and then sputtering in flabergasted amazement because somehow my radical worldview had failed to collapse the walls of reality, or (for that matter) even mildly distress the wallpaper of reality.

Actually, I don't know why I said "Normally" just now. That choice of words doesn't even make sense. My point was... oh, I forget and now I need to get to work. So:


_Insert Crazy Signoff Here_

Antelope Technologies makes a computer the size of a shoe phone. Its cool.

When I see someone leaving their face print on their PDA, because they've turned it into a Shoe phone, I laugh.

No Dancing Baloney!

Dakota woke me up and now I can't get back to sleep
First off, if you haven't already sent Louren a "Happy Birthday" email, consider this your reminder.

Next, I got the comment that my blog is derivative of ad report card from Slate. Ok... whatever. However, I do like that column and think that if Seth Stevenson wasn't already a journalist, he might be considered as clever as I. Check out the latest about: The Creatures From the Sandwich Shop - Behind the singing rodents in the Quiznos ad.

Finally:
Alton Brown=Thomas Dolby
Science!

Post script:

And now I will self-parody the cliche "catchy phrase" sign-off that I seem to like to put into my posts, and the method that I use to find the hyperlink:

Jazz Hands!

The rag-sheet scuttlebutt of my industry is eitherThe Inquirer or perhaps Slashdot. My problem with the latter is that it tends to be too much of a legitamate news source to be as slimy as the former. On the other hand, the nerd-speak is the better. Your call.

An open letter to Trav:

As I am watching Monarch of the Glen, I realize that there is no reason that you should not return to your fiercely bearded and kilted ways. You can even wear the ancient Tartan of your clan. Rather than over-analyze this one, consider how awesome it would be; just for a moment. Okay? Great... now the seed is planted.

-william

I remember when Smush came out. I thought to myself, "Ken Ober was sitting next to us at lunch!"

The game would have great stuff like:

Hortio Alger Hiss - a man who wrote about going from rags to riches and then to jail for selling secrets to Russians.

Or maybe they would do the converse (follow the links after to keep the punchline):

a delicious fruit, a pretentious way to recap events, and the Queen of Soul --

The Banannals of hisoretha Franklin

Just so it is clear: Jellyvision did not steal our idea. Nevertheless, over the years I've often thought about how strange it is that many of ideas that I have - someone else has it too and that person makes it into a movie or a TV show or something.

Only recently did it occur to me that there is nothing strange about this at all, just the opposite. Probably there are thousands or even millions of people with the same idea. Something like:

"You know what we really need? We a movie about the cleansing purity of Rock and Roll. We should have some sort of crazy guy be a pseudo-guru of Rock... and then, like, little kids. Yeah! Kids would be great because kids are purity itself!"

Then all of a sudden, BAM!: School of Rock

But if there hadn't already been tons of people with the notion that they really needed to see a movie like this, I bet the movie wouldn't have been the hit that it was.

Anyhow: Zeitgeist, baby, Zeitgeist.

Okay, here is a bit more: United States Patent: 5,026,825 is my Dad's invention.

As blog entries go. This is what's known as "phoning it in"

Here's a hilarious idea made into a game:U.S. Patent Number 1

There are two seasons of the year: Candy and Barbeque.

Candy goes: Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter. In some parts of the country (the civilized parts), St. Patrick's day is included.
Barbeque goes: Memorial Day, independence Day, Labor Day.

All of life revolves around these observances: So sayeth the retailers, so liveth the Americans.



And the Americans are rulers of the world.




And thank God for that.

I am pleased to see that almost 100% of the last two days of the Wall Street Journal has been dedicated to the Comcast (owner of E!) bid on Disney (owner of ABC). In the mean time, I am sickened by the thought of the hard-working traditional "clean-up" animators that have been laid off; a desperate and stupid act made by bad leaders.

To lift my spirits, we watched a triumph of traditional animation for Valentine's day, The Iron Giant. Although I am famous for keeping my true feelings hidden, I admit that I always cry when the Giant realizes that he can fly, Louren does too. As usual, Dakota was the brave one.

In a time supposedly beset by the breakdown of decorum and a rise in partisianship in American politics. Its good to see the Senate back $318 Billion for Highways. Proving once again that pork is the all-american meat.

I love the way some people wax nostalgic for the "good old days, when politics was civil." Silly.

Which brings me to my point for today: The only unifying desire for the leaders of the world is the desire to pave the earth.

Once I heard an interview with a plant geneticist who said something like, "That's right, I am only working for profit and not for a worthy cause like trying to solve world hunger -- oh wait! I am trying to solve world hunger. Stupid protestors."

I know how he feels.

Its always fun to realize something that totally ruins a piece of music or art, more so if it really needs ruining. The canonical example of this is when Mr. Moore was told by Blunden's dad that all the poems by the original misery queen could be sung to the tune of the Texas State Song. Its canonical because I say so.

To my delight, I just realized that Andrew Lloyd Webber isn't the only one who can ruin T.S. Eliot by setting the "Old Possum" poems to music. Apparently the tune to Whitney Houston's first hit, Saving All My Love can be adapted as follows (this is just a flavor):

His coat's very shabby, he's thin as a rake,
And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake.
Yet he was, in his youth, quite the smartest of Cats -
But no longer a terror to mice and to rats.
So I'm saving all my cats, Yes I'm saving all my cats, yes my Jellical cats for youuuuuuuuuu!

Meow.

I was going to Blog about how EW senior critic,Owen Gleiberman, totally blew the call with comparison his of Kurt Russell with that no-talent hack Alec Baldwin in his review of "Miracle". I was going to rave about how great and important an actor I think Kurt Russell is, but then I noticed that Dakota had attempted to sign me up for Gevalia.

This is one of those shocking parental moments when you realize that your mother was right. The internet is a dangerous place and a two-year old can not be left alone to surf unsupervised any more than she could be left unsupervised to in browse Barns of Nobles.

A bit more context:

In 1985, I was going to go on a bike ride from Elmsford to Briar Cliff Manor with one of my weirdo friends who was interested in local history. My mom had a funny feeling about the whole thing and finally said, "No. An 11 year old and a 16 year old should not hang out."

"But Mom," I pleaded, "I log on to his BBS every day and post messages to all my friends in the 914 BBS community"

My mom exclaimed, "That sort of thing is dangerous!"

With that our attitudes on the whole cyberspace thing more or less hardened. She never trusted anybody online ever again.

For my own part, as an I.T. Manager, I've caught people doing all sorts of stupid things. For external threats, I've had to deal with all sorts of malicious stuff from the script kiddies. Towards this end, I always felt like the bad people on the Internet were the bad people who you'd run into in real life - and for the same reasons. Armed with an understanding of the technology and of people, computing on the internet would be as safe or unsafe as anything else.

HUBRIS!

Even the innocuous MSN has click-through ads that can lead to pretensions coffee and worse! Somehow like glaucoma or kudzu, I've not noticed how every freakin' thing on the Internet is infested with advertisements. The real creeps are not the kidnappers but the marketeers. This was a threat that hid in plain sight.

How do I protect my baby from salesmen? For now I have no answers, only Google Toolbar.

Happy Birthday to Dave.
You may misbehave
and act like a Knave
on this great day you have.

The previous non-rhyme was inspired by the February 6 Writer's Almanac. Nothing beats driving to work feeling happy because my daughter said "Bye Daddy, have a nice day!" and then having it ruined - not by the news - not by the traffic - but by that Prince of self-satisfied smugness Garrison Eeyore. Today he managed his daily vex by stubbornly refusing to change the pronunciation of "move" or "love" in his "I am so laconic and Midwestern that I am better than you" recitation of "The Passionate Shepherd to His Love," by Christopher Marlowe. If I had read the poem, I would have purposely changed the pronunciation of both words to "muv" and "louve" such that the non-rhyme of the poem sticks out even worse, but that's just me.

Boy! This reminds me of all the press coverage that I got in the Thresher for making a "poorly reasoned ad-hominem attack."I wish everyday could be as great as that day.

Actually today was okay and I hope that tomorrow is even better, especially in the Pacific Northwest. Be well, do good work, and keep in touche

Recently I got Spam that had the following generated text at the bottom:

"Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"

"What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

`Yes,' said Arthur, `yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of The Leopard".'"

`Why, what did she tell you?'

The first question is deceptively tricky: Yoda has already covered why anger is unhealthy at both a personal and cosmic level. Nevertheless, various states of anger and frustration seem to be the new professional status quo. This is especially true in those places where employers have used rightsizing as a justification for overworking the people who remain. They should have called it "left sizing" as in "if you are left after the layoffs, you are probably so grateful to be working that you will do anything."

The second question is needlessly rhetorical. Sure, there have been lots of corporate scandals. Moreover, it can seem hard for the rank & file worker or the small investor to understand the thinking process of the elites, but the snarky Nancy Reagan reference changes nothing.

The random Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference is always funny. 42.

The third question (fourth sentence) is typical gossip baiting.

These text strings, created specifically to break spam filters, result in a message which is not less meaningful than most of the email sent to me by actual colleagues. With this depressing realization, I surrender to the robots; similar to how they did in 2nd Renaissance - Part 2.

Save us all, Keanu.

I was thinking about Incubus, that silly horror movie filmed in Esparanto starring William Shatner. Specifically, I was thinking about how when Craig Kilborn hosted the Daily Show, he did a piece whereby he showed the movie to a seniors Esparanto club. All they could do was nitpick on Shatner's pronuncation of Esparanto.

What? Its a fake language!

It reminds me of how Doug Triggs wrote a program in Scheme to translate Esparanto into Klingon, except that I can believe that people have a leg to stand on when warning about the dangers of mispronouncing Klingon.

Anyway, this is a long way around my elbow to today's point: TRAG.

"Trag" is a term that Louren coined by accident. To describe Trav when he is aggrevated about something as in "I don't understand this Trag about Janet Jackson."

I was about to go work when I thought, "Trag", that's a Portmanteau. My favorite!"

Then I thought, "Trag sounds like Klingon... or maybe Esparanto... Hey, remember Incubus?"

Then I thought about how those hypercritical Esparantons on the Daily show and it made be get all Traggy.

I had an appointment with my new Doctor this morning. I let him know that my eyelids had been twitching more or less non-stop for the last few weeks, but they were not twitching now.

"Do you drink a lot of coffee during the week?"

"Yes."

"How about on weekends?"

"Not so much."

"When was the last time you had a cup of coffee?"

"Friday."

"When was the last time your eyes were twitching?"

"Friday... hey? Do you think work is stressing me out."

"You are drinking too much coffee. Try to cut back."

"oh..."

Under different circumstances, I would be annoyed by this "Don't you feel stupid now" moment but I was glad to hear that I was not turning into a Martian.

Sadly, my plans to fold a large amount of clothing and wash a bunch of clothes were hijacked by a crazy noisy baby and a harrowing experience with the dental floss of doom.

I just re-read that. My daughter acting crazy and the dental floss thing are totally seperate incidents, in case you were wondering.

As for the Super Bowl, I am sorry that the Carolina Panthro did not win, but thems are the breaks.

Into the 2nd quarter now, and I see that IBM taking is credit for Linux, a technology it created. Whoops... No it didn't. That would be Linus Torvaldus. The whole thing is a bit like how Al Gore invented the Internet.

Maybe I am being too harsh. I suppose that IBM just wanted to equate Linux with Prodidy, the Internet-like service originally developed by that telecommunication pioneer, Sears or maybe they mean the other Prodigy. If its the later, IBM shows how truly "with-it" they are since Prodigy is nothing like Eminem.

Yet again, IBM proves that in the absence of actual vision or innovation, there are always vague advertisements as a substitute.

We'll it looks good so far, with the first load in the washer and last nights clean stuff in baskets. The football players are about to come out. Maybe we can get a load folded before the hor d'oeuvres come out.

Well its 5:00 PM and we are home from the my guitar lesson and the mall. The oven is preheated and Aerosmith and the Alief Independent School District Dance/Drill Team have left the pre-game stage.

Its time for the SUPER FOLD!

Four hours of laundry! LAUNDRY! LAUNDRY!