Hope

The Christian Season of Advent kicked off today. For those of you who are too lazy to read the whole page that I've linked, Advent is a spirtual journey leading to the birth of Jesus. For the last three hundred years or so, the Western world has had a competing capitalist vision of Advent whereby the ugliest and phoniest parts of our culture come to the fore and demand that we all spend a lot of money and pretend like we are thrilled. In this way, the December season has a tendancy to create cognitive dissonance bordering on extremely cruel.

I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming but I'm not happy. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel. I always end up feeling depressed."

See Charles Shultz, A Charlie Brown Christmas (1964) can be view on ABC on December 7, 2004 at 8PM EST; see also Holly Hartman, How A Charlie Brown Christmas Came to Pass: The Unlikely Beginning of a holiday classic (site visited November 28, 2004) available at http://www.factmonster.com/spot/cbrown1.html

I think that it is interesting - the common notion (mostly held by conservatives) that this secular commerical vision is a recent phenomenon. Those people are wrong, but I don't think that this topic is interesting enough to explore.

Instead, I wanted to rebuke the many gloomy pronoucements that I have made over the course of my life about the whole Christmas season (like the first part of this blog entry)and confess that the last few years have brought productive, positive experiences. In particular there has been Hope.

First off, it must be said that Louren has been quite clear in her effort to make December a happier month. She has not had an easy time. I have been quite subborn, over the years, about my instistence that I really do feel negative about the whole season. She is really quite awesome. I tell her that often, but it is not enough. You (yes you!) should send her an email right now and tell her that she is an awesome, beautiful, pregant lady. I'm serious, you'd better do it.

Second, the simple but intense experience of raising children and witnessing their innocent enthusiasm for Christmas really does inspire feelings of Hope, Love, and Faith.

Hope has been my first response to this experience. The Hope that the world can be a better place. The Hope that I can make it a better place by being a Good man, or if I cannot be Good, at least I can try to be better than I am.

At the same time, Hope is not an exercise in "I ought" but it is a plain actuality. Objectively, I can see how my feelings turned to thoughts turned to plans turned to resolutions that sustained my actions throughout the year. Things that I did not think that I would do or could do... these things started with a subtle but important change inside of me.

A single candle lit in the dark; the first candle of advent - Hope.