Lesson's Learned

Read this first: Dispute over turkey blamed for stabbings

Ready? Ok good.

1. Don't invite crazy Uncle Frank to Thanksgiving dinner.

2. If you must invite crazy Uncle Frank, sit him at the kiddie table.

3. If there is no kiddie table and his table manners are offensive: LET IT GO!

4. If there is so much family tension that Gonzalo and Gonzalo II get stabbed, maybe that's a bad place to have Thanksgiving dinner.

5. Maybe you should have all gone out to Medieval Times instead

William, isn't it extremely distasteful of you to mock this violent incident and obvious family tragedy?

Probably. If it makes you feel better, I am sensitive to the fact that the real indignity is that so many of the major news outlets latched on to this story that it became a top "Google News" headline. I hope that nothing tragic but darkly comic happens to my family "Uncle George attacked by Clown with custard pie, suffers concusion" "While in Kansas, Cousin Dorothy's home is picked up by Tornado, deeply unpopular woman crushed underneath descending house, breaking Fall for Dorothy (and her dog Toto too)"