The stiff upper lip

I certainly complain a great deal. And loudly. One would think that
no one had ever ruptured their achilles before. My dad actually
re-ruptured it at 13 weeks, right there in the Dr's office because i
was messing around in a chair. Dad had the good graces not to be a
crybaby.

I have a big lump of scar tissue that apparently will break up if i
keep rubbing it. If it works, the I'll be amazed.

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Lincolns ipod

I will go back later and add the loink

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here's the link

No I'm kidding its http://wmli.blogspot.com/2009/02/what-would-lincoln-do.html

Okay... no for real, the only thing to do is to have a sidebar about this

Hairshirt marketing

I am waiting for non-luxury brands to trumpet how little enjoyment the
consumer gets from it. But the brand won't advertise a low price.

That seems to be the ethos of this recession which most blame on
bankers or people who have the nerve to not be able to pay double
their mortgage payment when rates reset but I will instead blame on
Circuit City, the consumer electronics retailer whose model was:

"Do you think your Delk computer is a bad price? Wait till you try to use it!"

Here are my brands:

"StinkyCup" brand coffee "smells bad, tastes Stinky"

"Fecal Audio". This is a holder from sophmore year at rice.
Ironically, my net worth was higher then.

"East St Louis" brand drinking water

"Triggerfinger Jam". The personal firearm for the rest of us.

"PriceCheck on" over the counter pharmaceuticals. There slogan is
"Herpes is not just your shame, its everyone's business"

"StupidKid" brand portable corner. Now your timeouts are portable.

Small, Bruised and Mealey 0rganic food growers with honesty about
their produce.

General Motors. Badly designed cars manufactured without pride at the
direction of nincompoop managers. I understand that in response to the
idea that people should go back to animal drawn carriages, their
genius marketing department came up with "GM beats a horse to death.
Everyday our people are beating a dead horse. ". Gary Busey is their
spokesperson

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Work/Life balance

In my dream , the characters from the PBS Kids show "Arthur" haggle
over contract terms. Buster Bunny is particularly good at getting on
my nerves.

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More about Dakota and Obama

All the students in Dakota's class were supposed to write to one of
the living presidents for presidents day. She wrote about her video
game farm.

Apparently she thought that the ability to write to the president was
merely hypothetical. It hurts to hear stuff like that. I explained
that to Dakota that Obama was an elected official and had a duty to
listen to her thoughts about life or how things should be or just
about how the state of humanity effects her mood, but she had to write
about real life.

"I can't think of anything to say. "

Hurts. It just hurts. I have half a mind to make write about all her
complaints. But maybe I should take my own assignment. So I will
make you a deal: write barrack obama a letter. Don't talk about how
your video game farm is doing. Here's the address:

President Barack H. Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

I might cross post this to Facebook. If I actually do this project, I
will post it here for sure.

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more on the monkey business (senseless death of a showbizzaap)

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/4677551/Pet-chimp-attacks-woman-and-police-officers.html I think that there is an important lesson here about Chimpanzees. Chimpanzees are not humans. It does not matter of they have been in a sitcom pilot or use the toilet, wear a monkey fedora, watch jeopardy, are genetically similiar to human, fill out the paperwork for your tow truck, get addicted to Xanax-based beverages, etc. They are still monkeys, driven by an entirely different set of biological and social perogatives and are stronger than the toughest UFC warrior even at the age of 80 in monkey years. Check this one out: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/17/nyregion/17chimp.html?_r=1&em The photo of this owner speaks to me. It seems to say, "Hey look at me! I'm a 70 year old woman with an unlicensed 200 pound intelligent and malevolent death-maker on a leash. Zookeeper? What do zookeepers know? They only have respect for wildlife from years of study and field work about the habits and habitats of the species they manage. Me? I let my monkey ride shotgun, we still get royalty checks from when he drank coke and burbed the national anthem on tv!" If there is a lesson learned here, it is this: don't go to Connecticut. Here's a Lyme Diseas angle on the story to bolster the "Connecticut is for sickos" idea: http://www.examiner.com/x-3035-Everyday-People-Examiner~y2009m2d16-Connecticut-police-shoot-famous-chimp I think this story can be summed up best by this Belgium newspaper headline which proclaims: "Agent schiet dolle showbizzaap dood na bloederige thriller" The photo of travis makes it clearer: chimpanzees have four fists and the desire to punch you with each of them. I especially like the stoic face of the nosy neighboor at the bottom of the article. As if to say, "I knew all along that something like this would happen. Now excuse me, I have to go to Williams Sonoma to buy more concentrated evil to install in that place in my heart where mercy might live had it not been snuffed out by my prep school." Here lies Travis, "misschien wel de slimste showbizzaap ter werel", his life, his owners life, and the life of an innocent third party destroyed. Macabre humor aside, I am most upset by the NYT article reporting that no charges are planned to be filled against the owner. If Travis' victim ends up dead because after his owner failed to control him, he called his friend, a 55 year old woman to be exposed to a deranged 200 pound chimapnzee, that's reckless endangerment and its a lesser form of homicide, but its still homicide. Also the crazed monkey, angered by being stabbed with a butcher knife by his owner battered a police officer. C'mon Connecticut DA, do your job!

I'm wearing a left shoe!!!!

I'm wearing a left shoe!!!!

Law school recollection

Some days would find me eating taco cabana in my jeep while driving
and texting. All Three meals

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Google news on blackberry is my morning snooze button

It works somewhat better in that I am starting to wake up. So here is
an article about an angry monkey named Travis

http://m.cnn.com/cnn/ne/us/detail/249729;.live7i

So a few things:

1. Hey there Ross freakin Geller chimpanzees and suburban Connecticutt
homes don t mix

2. I have had it in for Ross Geller ever since the check out girl
from Kroger said I looked like him. I think she was hitting on me.
What a bad come on. That's like hitting on a singer songwritter by
saying "wow you remind me of Phoebe Buffet, can you play 'smelly
cat'?" Wow single quote question mark double quote that's a blackberry
symbol button par-tay

3. So I like the way the angry Monkey used the key to escape. Did you
catch that this meant the home was locked from the inside? I bet the
monkey had been yearning for freedom since his earlier mayhem.

4. Did you catch that the police killed the monkey, not to save the
woman's life but because they were cowering in their cruiser with
angrychimp bashing their car with other parts of the car? What a
scene. Yowzs

5. "Chimps have complex emotions". Not really. It can't be all that
difficult to imagine the murderous rage that this monkey must have
felt after 20 years in a strange cage with a misguided woman who
always barred her teeth at her thinking that meant love but really to
monkey it means threat.

6. Did they have to kill the monkey? Probably not. Zookeepers could
have tranq'ed the beast and then the monkey could have ... Hmm. This
angry old monkey had no happy outcomes.

7. There ought to be a law banning, wait for it, the state of
connecticut. Stupid people.

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The Overrated Presidency of George Washington

First read this:

http://www.c-span.org/PresidentialSurvey/Overall-Ranking.aspx

So George Washington moved up the list from 3 to 2 beating out FDR. Clinton moves up five, riding on the coattails of Obama and inexplicably, US Grant moves up 10 points. The Grant thing bodes well for Obama who seems to be having trouble with his cabinet picks being totally on the up and up. If it turns out that some of his guys are crooks, maybe in 150 years historians will forgive him somewhat as well. He's got that to look forward to.

The biggest crime is that James K Polk ranks 12. That's crazy. Upset victory and destruction of his political enemies (the Whigs), "44 40 or fight" (annexation of the pacific northwest), annexation of texas, Mexican concession, huge expansion of international trade, one of the rare examples of 19th century economic reform that was neither market driven nor ham-fisted regulation. His biggest failing is his inability to bring about a peaceful end to slavery, although he had a workable plan with the Missouri compromise that might have ended slavery with the approximately 2 decades between his presidency and the civil war were it not for that (unprintable) Buchanan. The Missouri compromise might have allowed us to have purchased Cuba from Spain, a missed chanced.

People (read: liberals) who want to say "W as is worst president ever" should consider the Buchanan legacy:

* Dred Scott
* Used the army to persecute Mormons.
* Massive increase in the debt. This may not seem like a big deal in the 20th century, but in the 19th century, both the republicans and the democrats were parties of real fiscal responsibility.
* Did everything possible to sabotogue his own parties abolitionist in order to bring about the civil war (traitor) both in words (expressing his personal views in favor of slavery) and in deed (Kansas) and in omission (Fort Sumter)
* Even by the standards of the 19th century his pro-slavery cabinet was astoundingly corrupt.

But I haven't gotten to the topic of this post yet.

I should say that I feel great affection for George Washington ever since he was portrayed by "Brad" from Rocky Horror (with Patty Duke as Martha... just epic) but the Presidency was not his finest hour, he really didn't like having to serve a 2nd term and its probably not what he wanted to be remembered for, if he even cared about being remembered at all. Like many great Generals, presiding over a democracy is a bad fit. Ever since the funerial games of Petroclus, there is an abiding vanity in Western culture to think that great leadership in war can translate to great leadership in peace. Maybe, but not always so. The fact that the Citizen Genet thing got so blown out of proportion that it ranks as one of the major incidents of his presidency shows a poor grasp on diplomacy, the ultimate failure of the Jay Treaty (as evidenced by the OGRABME and eventual war of 1812) is also evidence. The fact that we got into a naval war with pirates on the Barbary Coast even suggests that there were some limits on Washington's ability as a head of state military figure. But the biggest failure of Washington as a President was the fact that as a man of such greatness, he misperceived the partisan smallness of his peers. Although he cautioned them against forming political parties, this counsel fell on deaf ears because, well, no one else could ever be George Washington, a solitary monument in his own time.

I would have preferred to have seen Washington not serve a 2nd term and for Benjamin Franklin to have succeeded him. Unfortunately, Franklin would have been 86 years old and anyway, he died 2 years before the 2nd term. John Jay (for whom the basically lousy Jay treaty is named after) would have been a great 2nd president as well, and would have caused the end of slavery.

Am I say that Washington was not a great President? No. He served with dignity and honor that was never surpassed (not even by Lincoln) and is a shining example of what all Presidents should live up to. But effectiveness must matter and as such, I would probably rank him in a tie for 9th after: Lincoln, Polk, Jefferson, FDR, Reagan, Monroe, LBJ, Taft, and tied with McKinley (McKinley had a really effective economic stimulus package, the greatest Secretary of State in US History [John Hay, architect of the Hay-Bunau Varilla Treaty], and also "Cuba Libre!")

Just got sms spam

The acapulcoalypse is here

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I got a letter from Bank of America today

Because I am a custardomer. It says:

"... We look forward to bringing you additional capabilities as a
result of our recent acquistion of Merrill Lynch & Co, Inc. "

I bet they do look forward to that day when they can say some good
came out of this.

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Clone wars kids

So dakota has made up a fanfic about the kids of the characters in the
clone wars universe they are:

Ventoria Ventris
Gear Grevious
Dan Dooku

I love the science fictionuesque public host host name "Ventoria". But
Dan Dooku is the best

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Take That, Abe Lincoln!

Apparently the Library of Congress has put Abe Lincoln on Flickr. This is part of the steampunk alternate history movement trying to convince us that there were 19th century web sites devoted to Photo sharing. In any case, I find that this is a good development. I note that, he was already on Google Latitude, which it seems is no more accurate for locating him than it is for locating me.

Hey text! You are trapped! I've trapped you. Bwah ha ha ha ha!

Something I always wanted to before my band launched into a cover of "Helter Skelter"

"Alansis Morisette stole irony from the English language, we're
stealing it back..."

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In honor of Charles Xavier Darwin

"Hey Blue, do you know why four leaf clovers are lucky?"

"Bow ba boa?" (Translation: Why's that Steve?")

"Mutations!"

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The tour bus and the hare

One day a rock band took a wrong exit off the freeway and found itself lost on a rural Farm to Market road.

"What was that?" asked the drummer.

The busdriver replied, "I think it was a bump in the road"

The band went back to playing Xbox and eating microwave popcorn, unaware of the life that they had just taken.

Dakota Ekharts Barrack Obama

So it seems that Dakota is a much more ardent supporter of Obama than
either Louren or I. She is a woman with a mind of her own, which is
excellent until she starts making really terrible choices. That will
be the real test as a parent, but I guess it always is.

Anyhow it seems that Dakota likes Obama's style for being more
substantive, even if the substance goes over her head. She loved the
lecturing tone, that commanding but dispassionate weilding of power,
on display at Obama's press conference last night. I think she also
likes his youth and that Obama is a dad.

I have to say that I have never really been so enthusiastic about any
of our presidents in my living memory (current included) as Dakota is
about Obama. The cynic in me cringes a bit. Political leaders and
athletes as heroes are a heartbreak waiting to happen. They are always
seem to end up being exposed as empty or phony or both. Maybe this is
what Paul Simon meant by "Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio?" Except
for me, I am too young to pine for Joltin Joe, its Reggie Jackson
(far less a paragon of virtue) who I miss. "Where have you gone
Reggie Jackson? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you? What's the you
say Happy Madison? You casted him in a celebrity cameo in
'benchwarmers' hey hey hey! Hey hey hey."

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RetCon

If added a post dated the day I passed the bar, what sort of Ret would
it be. I don't think it would be a RetCon. A RetCon would be in
order if it tuned out that I have always been a vegan. My canonical
rant would have to be explained away as a fugue state.

My fugue states have oboes and some other instruments whose names I forget.

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The tortoise and the hare

One day the tortoise challenged a hare to a race. The hare was not
very interested but the tortoise persisted by talking a lot of trash
and making himself out to be a racing expert. He especially enjoyed
spouting his contrarian idea that the way to win a race is to go slow.

The race started. The tortoise took a step. Then another. Soon he was
moving at a steady clip and was almost an eighth of the way down the
track when the hare crossed the finish line.

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What would Lincoln do?

After seeing Lincoln on the cover of TIME and the ABA Journal magazine
for speculation about what he would do in these hard times, I have
some other questions:

Would Lincoln have liked "Wii Fitness"
Would Lincoln have driven a Lincoln? Answer: Only if it was a
diesel-hybrid gassed with recycled organic biofuel.
Who would Lincoln pick to be the cyberterrorism czar?
Which Brady kid was Lincoln? Answer: the correct answer is always "Jan"
What would Lincoln do at Sundance? Answer: Sundance is SO over.
Which ice hockey position would Lincoln play? Answer: D
What's #1 on Lincolns iPod? Answer: the Abester is still hooked on the
new Lucinda Williams.
If the greatest president were trapped on a desert island, which
canned soup would he want? Answer: Chunky Sirloin Burger

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Beckham traded to the Hoppers

Americans were disappointed that Beckham didn't score every game. In 25 appearances last season, he only scored 5 goals. That's only about twice as good as his production with Real Madrid, only slightly worse than his career with Man U. This in a league of spazzy kids who "were great in College" and street thugs.

Also... its soccer and its LA. LA is a place where great sports heros get lost. He should have gone to New York. Right, 99?

Oh well, enjoy playing for the Hoppers.

Grr....

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Mental Note: Caffeninated drinks have no bad health effects only health benefits

http://answers.google.com/answers/main?cmd=threadview&id=233132

Coffee makes you rich:

I heard a story from a guy who had a fried of a friend who knew a coffee
drinker that won the lottery.

Decaf is dangerous:

I heard about a lady who only drank decaf who got so badly hurt skiing that
she lost both her legs. So decaf creates a health risk of amputation.

...

Ok lunchtime is over

CALLS -- A most odious of headline verbs

A pet peeve of mine is when headlines announce that some person holding some title or rank "calls" upon someone or something else to do or not do something. As in

"UN Secretary General calls upon the factions to cease all hostility"

"Senator So-and-so calls upon disgraced Blah-de-blah to resign"

Whenever I read in the paper or hear on the radio that someone calls upon whomever to whatever my initial responses are:

a) Who the Heck do you think you are?
b) Shove it!
c) I call upon the caterers of the world to bring me delicious sandwiches for life! Abracadabra, gesundheit!

The verb, as used by the news media, correctly conveys the notion that the caller has no judicial, political, economic, or military authority to compel the callee to bend to his will. What the caller has is the misbegotten notion that they have the moral authority to do so, because they are oh so important. Generally this is a not inaccurate portrayal of how the caller sees himself (and its almost always a "he"). And this high faluten (a word that rhymes with gluten) hypocrisy irritates me to distraction.

Therefore, I call upon all public declarants to stop calling for stuff. Here is what you should do instead:

A) Demand. And threaten unspecified reprisals.
B) Condemn. Its judgmentalism without the hypocrisy of believing that your opinion should inspire different behavior.
C) Whine. Closer to accurate.
D) Begs for the sake of the children of wherever. Because everybody loves children.
E) Rants incoherently. Too true.
F) Sings a stirring rendition of "Tonight, Tonight" from "West Side Story". This would be my favorite and everyone would know what you are doing and why.



Newsline:

Senator Soandso, outraged by the antics of Blahdeblah, took the Senate floor today and sang a stirring rendition of "Tonight, Tonight" from "West Side Story". Although opinions are sharply devided over Blahdeblah, there was bipartisan agreement that Mr. Soandso should not quit his day job.

"Leave the singing to Barbara Steisand," said Doofus Mouthpiece, spokesperson for Blahdeblah.

A high-ranking aide to Mr. Soandso, speaking on a condition of antonymity, reported that Soandso followed his performance with a lozenge because his throat got sore. "But you didn't hear it from me," said the aide antonymimously.