Superman Returns and is awesome. Now some lyrics:

Who's flying around,
all over town?
Who's fly around --
Superman!!

Look up in the sky.
Who is that guy?
It's a bird!
It's a plane!!
Superman!!!

I was explaining to Louren that I sometimes call him "John L. Williams" but I really mean that he's Kryptonian and his name is "John-el"


Some of the critics didn't like the movie. They are bad people who have never read comic books and should not be allowed to see any more movies, only the test pattern on a tv.

Most people, liked the movie. That's because most people rule!

It can all be explained with a Syllogism:

All movies that are "Superman Returns" (like for real, not just someone decided to rename "Ishtar" or something) are totally awesome!

I just watched "Superman Returns"

I just watched "Superman Returns" which is a movie that are totally awesome!

Q.E.D.



Oh and then let me deconstruct it for you:

Superman represents the main character in a totally awesome movie called "Superman Returns"

So the meaning of "Superman Returns" is that you get to go see a totally awesome movie.


What was so awesome about it?

It was totally awesome.


If you don't believe me, check out my Platonic Trialog:

Once upon a time, Aristole and Focault were having Cerviche and discussing the nature of Aesthetics:

Aristotle: The nature of beauty the truth of the object of art.
Focault: No, the nature of beauty is existential experience of beauty that we imbue into the object of art.
Waiter: Okay, two Pabst Blue Ribbons. Hey, I don't know what you guys are saying but "Superman Returns" is a totally awesome movie.
Aristotle and Foucault together: Yes.


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Notes from Vacation

Dakota says a soul train is a train that has two engines and carries lots of good things for people. Ok.

Dakota and Oma made cookies. The only mix available (for ease of maintaining Dakota's interest, not for ease of Oma's cooking) was oatmeal. Dakota was initially not thrilled. "I don't like porridge cookies" she said. She changed her mind with the addition of walnuts and craisins.

Jason waves hello and goodbye at everybody. He also said "hello" twice yesterday, but not again since. And only in conjuction with stealing my cellphone.

My camera does not want to work. I think this is due to sand from the beach having still been in my purse when I last put it in there. It makes a nasty grinding noise when I try to turn it on, and it won't focus on anything. Yech.

Dakota has started swimming lessons. Jason will start in two weeks (with me or Oma). Dakota's previous year swim instructor remembered her, and he and Dakota's current swim instructor were sharing notes. Great.

Oh, and Dakota is going to start hockey in July. She now has a helmet, elbow and shin pads, and gloves, all of which will eventually become Jason's. She also has a stick, taped in lovely hot pink. Yay pink. Yippee. She is beside herself, and looks darn cute in the gear. And yes, the helmet has a face mask.

Warren Buffett gives the Gates Foundation a zillion jillion kaquillion dillion dollars

Once I was at Valhalla on a Friday afternoon and only had half the money needed for a pitcher of Natty Lite, so Andy Chen kicked in the other twenty-five cents.

Look out Bill and Warren, we're big spenders too!

Whoops, forgot to add the link

Cheers to Travis for lampooning my editing mistake of my recent post: 3 of 4: When we're Saying, "Hi, Dr. Bot". I added the link in the article so it makes more sense now.

Although I rarely explain the joke, my bad craftsmanship requires that I do.

The link in the title to When we're Saying, "Hi, Dr. Bot" is to "Why I read the boring news" because my title is an anagram of Trav's.

That's the parody.

Something that is often lost is that when I parody the EH, its not normally to make fun of Trav or his writing style but

(1) to make fun of culture at large and blogs in particular
(2) to play semiotic (or semi-idiotic) games
(3) to delight in being an absurd foil to Trav's seriousness or to confuse by being deadly serious to Trav's whimsy
(4) to model what parody should be rather than what it normally is, which is often both unoriginal and mean-spirited (i.e. Capt.Sarcasm's doofus side-kick), and rarely entertaining (e.g. the "Scary Movie" series).

This is a somewhat roundabout way of getting to a public apology. Trav is not a tool of The Man and I regret that by failing to add an href html tag, I gave that impression.

My shame

With perverse anticipation, I clicked on the link, eager to see the latest "disappointing 'breakthrough hardware' from Microsoft". To my deep embarassment, I discovered that the disappointment was none other than my own writing! Then, the growing horror of self-awareness as I realized not just that The Hollerer was not delighting the consumer - I'd long known that - but that I had been an unwitting tool of The Man. Dave knew enough to escape; now that I knew, could I?

And then the slouching. Guess I need to do more yoga.

When we're Saying, "Hi, Dr. Bot"

With much fanfare, yet another disappointing "breakthrough hardware" from Microsoft slouches towards the consumer. In fact, it might turn out to be a nice little music player and Microsoft is fantastic at being 2nd to market. My gripe is mostly with the over hyping. That and adverbs. I find that I trust adverbs less and less. I truly believe that they are lurking horror.

Look ma! Deprecated tags in the header

From a CSS standpoint, this page is just one big insult.

Fun Fact: The Industrious dung beetle can carry away an elephant patty in about an hour.

Unfortunately the archives of the Buzzer do not extend back to 1991-92, otherwise they would have my favorite space filler of all time. When I wrote it, Rory and I were annoyed/amused by shameless space fillers. I had a particular axe to grind with the insulting crud that was aimed at kids. The seemingly "science education" materials that, in fact, carried no useful infomation at all.

Apparently, video games can do it to. Check out this ridiculousness:

  

Bill Gates to Follow Dave Miller and leave Microsoft

Today @ PC World - Bill Gates to Leave Microsoft; CTO Ray Ozzie Steps Up

It is reported Mr. Gates was imagined to be thinking "When Dave Miller left Microsoft in order to do... no no no in order to just be. That gave me pause. Well, that and the fact that I am the richest man in the world."

I've previously expressed a great deal of enthusiasm for Ray Ozzie and I have not changed my mind.

What's next for Gates? People (like Gates himself) say he will focus on his charities, but I believe that he and Oprah Winfrey will run for co-president of the United States in 2008. Someone will try to tell them that its not allowed and they will just laugh. Gates will say something about "don't stiffle innovation."

No Title

So this morning, I asked Will, "Can you take Jason..."

and before I could finish he said, "to work with me? Sure! I'll bring his high chair, and he can sit and eat cheerios all day. He can wear his white dress shirt and khaki pants, and I will pick him up a little tie. And I will make a sign that says 'mini-me'. Sound good?"

He had me laughing so hard at the image that I almost forgot to finish asking him about taking Jason with him and Dakota to skating on Saturday so I can go to the studio for a few hours.

P.S. The kids have cute new summer haircuts, and if you know my email, and send me a request, I will send you a pic. Will just isn't thrilled at the idea of recent photos of our offspring being on the web, and i kinda have to agree.

I know, I know, 5 year olds don't hear the "not" part

What is the quickest way to get a 5 year old to do something you don't want her to do? Ask her to not do it.

ex. "Dakota, it is very important right now that you be calm, and not go crazy."

Dakota, 10 minutes later, while running around, "I'm going crazy, I'm going crazy!"

She is confined to her room for the remainder of eternity.

And probably is already on the Principal's list of "ones to watch" for next year.

Great.

Hot Dog, My Baby

Danny Katch and I composed the lyrics and music to "Hot Dog, My Baby" while on a leadership retreat in High School. The idea was that a catchy hook, some clever rhyming, and a love interest could make even the stupidest thing a poppy hit. We proceeded to bust out

She didn't like Chicken but she wasn't no vegetarian
She didn't believe in God but she wasn't not Unitarian
She liked Robin Hood but she didn't like Maid Marion
dit dit dit dit dit dit dit dit ... Hot Dog"

The way it came out was Danny Katch said the first line, then I sang the first line and the first half of the second line. Danny finished the second line and started the third line. We finished the third line together. Then we got stumped and I said "well the you'd have something like dit dit dit dit dit dit dit dit ... Hot Dog"
to suggest a musical structure, but Danny didn't think we could improve on that. Three more verses came pretty easily, and that was that.

The song structure is fairly classic melody run following the minor pentatonic (i.e. the blues scale) in a I - IV - V progression

Nevertheless, there was something so hilarious and natural about it that the two girls who were there just rolled their eyes because they thought it was a "bit" which we had rehersed earlier. As if Danny ever needed to reherse!

Before I graduated, Danny and I were horried to find that Deadeye Dick had plagarized our concept. I suggested he sue and he suggested that I start the revolution. Actually, I'm making that last part up. Call it revisionist irony.

I forgot all about this song until, for some reason, I sang it for Noah. I think its his favorite song. Maybe it's just his favorite song by me. Noah, whenever you get married, I'll sing it at your rehersal dinner. Actually... maybe that's not such a great idea.

Anyhow, whenever Dakota is watching "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" and I hear TMBG sing Hot Dog, I get a little freaked out.

Foreign Video

You may recall Slate jumping on the YouTube tip, and the fruit of this latest cultural awesomeness is Wilber Pan - Bu De Bu Ai (Have To Love)


proving that notwithstanding certain slander about Asians, there is one type of cheese that seems to be universally appealing.

If you don't love this immediately, try it with extra irony, which is how slate served it up and we are hooked.

Super props to Louren for finding a translation of the song presented as a way to learn mandarin through pop music. Awesome awesomeness

In all seriousness (as much as I can mustard anywho) the Slate article misses that the obvious improvement of the lip-synched version through the extra layers of semiotic coding goes back to a ccanonical rant (circa 2000) that I need to post about how after our society is just an archieological record, the culiminating cultural product of the 20th century, the one that concises describes all of it and ties the 19th and 21st centuries together is Pink Wizard of Frand Lloyd Oz

Boat's in Trees

Oh New York Times, writing about 100-Ton Symbols of a Recovery .

To understand a little about this small crustacean of a city nine months after Hurricane Katrina, you have to accept a counterintuitive concept: Boats in the trees.

What? I mean it. What?!?

1) What does the New York Times think that they understand about Alabama? Brandon Kirby scoffs at you, and not the nice kind of scoffing either.

2) What's counterintuitive about Boat's in trees? Obviously in your small world you've never watched "Fist of the North Star" - Ocean liners in skyscrapers

3) Of course the biggest problem is that the photograph is of a boat... not in a tree. I'll edit:

To understand a little about this small crustacean nine months after Hurricane Katrina, you have to accept a bit of cocktail sauce at the counter and stick the shrimp fork into it. I've had better: Look at this photo of a boat on the grass!

Search and Rescue

Jason is very good at finding things. Once, he found some fish that had gone missing between the car and the house after a trip to the grocery store. Not sure where he found it, but it was within 5 minutes of my arriving home, which was unfortunately not withing the three minutes it took for me to freak out and be back in the car heading for the store to buy more fish. We had a lot of fish that weekend.

Today, he has been finding things in cabinets that I thought were child proofed. Also, I have been sorting through the last boxes from elementary, to decide what really needs to go to highschool, and what can stay at home, or go to mom. Jason has been thwarting this, resorting things from box to box.

****
Dakota just came up to me and asked, "can we sell our house?"
She wants to see soot sprites like in my neighbor totoro a japanese animated movie she adores.

Sorry kiddo. We are here until a major event occurs, such as Will being offered the chance to practice law someplace exotic, or they rezone the schools. I don't see either happening anytime soon.

Besides, I love our house. And it will be clean and organized, sooner if Jason stops helping.

I must get him back to two naps a day. Is it 9:30 am yet?

Why I am glad that Harry Knowles is not Dakota's uncle

Read this here. Specifically the last three paragraphs (okay, not the last one, but the next to last two).

Taking a 5 year old to see a horror movie, so the kid will learn to be good? Nice.

I know that Owen would never take Dakota (or Jason for that matter) to see an inapropriately scary movie at age 5.

And I know that Eugene would never take Dakota to a movie (because that would necesitate Stephanie being there as well, and probably end up including Teresa too - and be something like The Sugar Princess Ponies Tea Party Adventure - Part 3 IMAX - and there is no way that would ever happen, because have you seen what movie tickets cost in New York?)

I guess what I am saying is that I am glad that my kids' uncles (and "uncles" - Dave, Trav, Erik, Jeff, Andy, etc) are smart enough to know what movies are and are not good for a 5 year old.

trespassing william can't do card tricks as well as the dog from MIB

So I've mentioned before that I started law school on my 30th Birthday and that this was very satisfying but I never explained why it was satisfying. Here's why:

One of my favorite books of all time is The Trial by Kafka. I can't imagine that my fondness for Kafka in general or The Trial in particular is a surprise to anyone, so rather than explain, I will just make a few observations.

The main character of "The Trial" is Josef K. I asked a former co-worker to write one of my Law School recommendations. His name is Joseph K.

One of the cliches of lawschool is that law students learn the "secret handshake." It is somewhat true, not because the working of the law are secret (in fact, they can not be, as a matter of law!) but because lawyers themselves are so bizarre, as are their terminology, abbreviations, and customs. It is all so obscure and surreal to a non-lawyer, that one-hour TV drama's aside, the law can seem like an impenetrable secret that hides in plain site.

Josef K's trial begins on his 30th birthday. Its an upsetting ordeal. A year later, he is executed.

Most law students who perish, do so in the first year and drop out. I did not. Ha!

"Like a dog!" (irresistible joke)

Ok, ok... I will explain in better detail than that.

I spent a considerable amount of time fretting over my admission essay. While people are allowed write on a wide range of different things, I imagine that the main entree is some flavor of "Why do I want to be a lawyer?" For people like me, exiting a successful career outside of law, requires that this dish come with a helping of "Why I think being a lawyer will be better than the thing I am doing now" on the side.

What I ultimately wrote, while okay and factually true, was nevertheless even more overworked than my canonical rants. It was something on the level of giving "sometimes I just care too much" as the answer to "What would you say is your greatest weakness?"

Aside: If you are ever in an interview, and you are on the fence as to whether you even want to take the job, and the person who would be your supervisor asks you this question, end the interview. Be polite, but get the heck out of there!

So what was it about The Trial, that motivated me? For those who believe in justice and due process, The Trial is a supremely dismal tale. The depth of the horror, and my motivation, can be found in the penultimate paragraph:

Would anyone help? Were there objections that had been
forgotten? There must have been some. The logic cannot be refuted, but
someone who wants to live will not resist it. Where was the judge he'd
never seen? Where was the high court he had never reached?

Unfortunately, this is how the court system appears to almost everyone who fails to have obtain competent advocacy. Now, some people say that this means that our system of justice is too complex. Those people are kidding themselves. The world is complex. Cases which are tried invariably encompass some facts which are unusual and/or contentious. Therefore, the principals which guide the rules of law must be deeply understood in order to achieve a just result.

Sometimes the stand-by recipes for justice: "Split the baby" and "I'll flip you for it" will not do the trick. The only acceptable solution is to have a judicial system that is equal to the task of adjudicating controversies in this complex world, and for everyone to have the best advocacy possible.